


Syringa (How to Love Your Spouse)

by KALA



Series: Flora and Soul Series [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, BAMF Nymphadora Tonks, Eventual Sex, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Falling In Love, How Do I Tag, Husbands, Injury Recovery, M/M, Marriage, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Wedding, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks Never Happened, Severus Snape Needs a Hug, Sex, Sirius Black is a Little Shit, Soft Remus Lupin, Soft Severus Snape, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:00:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KALA/pseuds/KALA
Summary: Part 2 of the Flora and Soul SeriesAt the end of a war that they never thought he'd survive, Severus awakens to the reality that he is safe, but has paid the price of his voice.He remembers a lot of things, but he doesn't remember why Remus Lupin is sitting at his side, holding his hand, patiently helping him recover from his injuries.It's a story where the prelude is already written. This is the start of the happily ever after, if only it were that simple and there was less heartache.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Series: Flora and Soul Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990213
Comments: 106
Kudos: 235





	1. Names

**Author's Note:**

> So I had these plans, you see. These grandiose plans to include all of this in the previous fic about how Remus and Severus discover they’re soulmates. 
> 
> Then I sat one night thinking and went ‘but KALA, it would make more sense to finish the first one and then start the next as its own fic so that it didn’t make anyone feel like the first story dragged on’.
> 
> And so I did. 
> 
> You can read this on its own, but you just need to know that Remus and Severus still had their turbulent past, and Remus found out they were soulmates a year after he got his soulmark (You get them at twenty). Then when they met again, war was on the horizon and they impulsively agreed to get married so they’d have a small moment of happiness before they potentially died.
> 
> Then they, uh, didn’t die. So here they are. Married. 
> 
> Cue opening credits.

Syringa (How to Love Your Husband)   


xXx

When Sirius Black returned to Grimmauld Place after the war was finally,  _ finally, _ over, he didn’t expect to find Severus Snape lying on his couch, feverish and in pain with Remus mopping the sweat from his brow. He hadn’t seen where Remus had disappeared to, only knew that he wasn’t in the mass of bodies at the end, and he’d seen a glimpse of him after Harry was finally able to kill Tom Riddle once and for all. He thought he was perhaps helping with the wounded, or helping to clean up the rubble, not nursing a murderer back to health. 

“What the FUCK Remus?!” Sirius hissed, drawing his wand just as Harry came through the floo behind him, still covered in blood with the blank look of someone still in shock that things were finally over. 

“Sirius, calm down.” Remus stood up to swish the cloth through the bowl of water and wring it dry before placing it across Severus’s forehead once more. Only then did he face his best friend and attempt to do damage control. 

“Calm-  _ calm down _ ?” Sirius whisper screamed, thrusting his finger at the unconscious form. “He should be locked up, did you forget that he-”

Except he couldn’t finish his sentence, because Harry was standing between the two of them with a determined furrow to his brow. 

“Sirius. He asked him to do it.” Harry informed him softly, and then turned to Remus with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulder. Being contrite was not within his emotional range at the moment. “I saw it. I know. You should show him.”

“Harry, it was very important that no one else knew.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Everyone needed to think he betrayed…” 

None of them could speak Albus’s name. 

“He asked Snape to kill him?!” Sirius looked at them both as if they were insane. 

“There was a curse on the Ring of Resurrection. He knew he was dying, and this way he could control how it happened.” Remus explained with a pained look in his husband’s direction. “He asked Severus to be the one who ended his life.”

“Merlin Fucking Hell.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “What… What happened to him, then?”

“Nagini.” Remus offered sadly. “I didn’t get there in time.”

“He’s poisoned?” Harry was now looking at the situation in a new light, although not a positive one. “He needs St. Mungos.”

“He’s still a traitor, Harry.” Remus reminded him. “They would probably let him die in a cell rather than treat him.”

“Then Madam Pomfrey!” Harry insisted. “He’s your soulmate, we can’t just let him  _ die _ .”

Both of the elder men stared at the young hero, flabbergasted. Neither of them had told Harry that Remus and Severus were soulmates, and they had no idea how he’d found out. 

Harry rolled his eyes and stepped towards the floo. “I’m going to get Madam Pomfrey.”

“She’ll be busy, Harry.” Sirius grabbed his arm. “There’s people in worse condition.”

Remus sat down on the edge of the couch once more and brushed the sweat-soaked hair from Severus’s forehead, needing to do something with himself. “I already dosed him with antivenin and removed as much as I could. I don’t know what else she could do. We’d need someone who specializes in poisons and venoms.”

Remus stayed by his side, trying to do his best to calm the fever and dose him continuously with little amounts of antivenin. Harry found him in the middle of the night, coming into the room and pulling another chair over to where Remus was slouched over in his. 

“It’s over.” Harry sighed, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. “It doesn't feel real.”

Remus reached over and put a comforting hand on his arm, sitting up to be a little more present in the conversation. “What you did, Harry, it is something a sixteen year old should have never had to do. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to mourn.”

“I don’t know how I feel.” Harry lifted his eyes to Remus helplessly. “All I know is Snape can’t die. Not  _ anyone _ else.” He sucked in a deep breath and then looked at the glowing embers of the fire. “We need someone to help.”

Help came in the form of Minerva McGonagall and Kingsley Shacklebolt, who arrived in Grimmauld Place the next day just as dawn broke. They’d come for Harry, but one look at Severus changed their priorities. 

“Kingsley has been named the interim Minister for Magic.” Minerva explained as Kingsley turned on his heel and left through the floo, proclaiming St. Mungos to the floo network before he was engulfed in flames. 

“Professor, er, I mean, Headmistress…” Harry started to protest, but Minerva offered him a significant look. 

“I am aware of Severus’s role in the war, Mr. Potter.” She still had the uncanny ability to make him duck his head demurely. “As does Minister Shacklebolt.”

When Kingsley returned, it was with Auror Nymphadora Tonks and Healer Arpina Hawthorne. Tonk’s eyes bugged out of her head at the sight of why she was there. She still looked worse for wear from the battle, thanks to the large gash across her collarbone and scratches on her cheeks, but she was quick to turn to Shacklebolt for direction. Meanwhile, Healer Hawthorne dove into action, throwing open her briefcase and asking Remus question after question. She was surprisingly young, with long dark curls and medium brown skin, heavy freckles, and a serious face. 

“Healer Hawthorne is getting her potions mastery, specializing in antidotes.” Kingsley explained. “She’s also my cousin’s daughter.”

“I’ll need more than this.” Arpina stood up and turned to Kingsley. “There’s no way to get him to a clinic at the very least?”

“That brings us to our second guest.” Kingsley turned to Tonks. “I know you’re off duty, but I’m placing Severus Snape under house arrest. You’re assigned to him.”

“I’m a babysitter to an unconscious man.” Tonks smirked. “The glory of my profession.”

“Wait a minute.” Sirius was just entering the room, making it rather crowded considering its intended occupancy was much smaller. “You’re placing Snape under house arrest in  _ my _ house?”

“Sirius.” Remus turned to him in warning. 

“I need a drink.” Sirius turned on his heel. 

“It’s eight am.” Minerva called after him disapprovingly.

“Which means I have the feeling I’ll also be an errand-witch, am I right?” Tonks turned to Arpina expectantly. “May as well give me a list. He’s not going anywhere like this.” While the two of them discussed what was needed, the others resumed the conversation.

“Is this necessary, Minister Shacklebolt?” Remus looked at him imploringly. “You know he’s innocent.”

“It’s for his well-being as well. House-arrest is the least of the punishments people would be demanding for the murderer of Albus Dumbledore.” Kingsley responded unflinchingly. “Now…” He pulled out his wand and stepped over to the couch, incantation was murmured, the only recognizable words were ‘Severus Snape’. His wand moved in an intricate spell, appearing like a net that settled over Severus and then seemed to shatter and break into nothingness. 

Kingsley looked perturbed, and Nymphadora wandered over to stare at her ex-boss in surprise. “What happened?”

“The spell wouldn’t take.” Kingsley explained. 

“What spell is it?” Remus asked curiously. 

“It’s a tethering spell. He’s tying Snape to this house so he can’t leave until Shacklebolt, himself, releases him. We use it on most of the people in our custody until they’re placed permanently.” Tonks explained, and then turned to Remus with a sheepish shrug. “You, uh, sure this is Snape?”

“Very.” Remus replied, unable to feel offended when he was just as confused. Had Severus done something to himself that made it impossible to place spells on him? He’d never heard of such a thing. 

“Well, I’ll try when I get back.” Tonks clapped Kingsley on the back. “I gotta go fetch some things.”

Once the room had cleared of everyone but Arpina and Remus remaining to tend to Severus, she turned to him expectantly. “I’ll need to examine the rest of his body, and we need a better place to work in. Do you have any spare rooms?”

Remus felt sheepish he hadn’t thought of that before now. There was the second bedroom on this floor that they’d cleared out when they redesigned the house to something more livable for three men whom each had their own floor. The study was originally made from the old drawing room, and the spare bedroom was where they hid the old family tapestry so none of them would have to look at it. He helped with a levicorpus and together they set up the tiny spare bedroom up as a sort of makeshift hospital ward. 

“You did well to administer the antivenin when you did.” Arpina commended him as she worked to clinically strip Severus and put him in a pair of plain hospital pyjamas while Remus stood by awkwardly. “His heart is still significantly weaker, and he will need several infusions.” She began flicking her wand towards her bag, filling the room with more and more medical and potion’s supplies. Her eyes didn’t linger on his arm, even when it stood starkly visible against the pale grey of the sheets. 

“Does he have a next of kin?” She asked in a business-like tone. “Is there someone we should inform of his condition?”

“I… Don’t think so.” Remus winced, feeling wholly inadequate. “I think that would be, ah, me.”

Arpina nodded, not looking terribly surprised by the news. “And so you’d be the soulmate, then?” She nodded to the soulmark on the opposite side of his dark mark. 

“Yes. Remus Lupin, pleased to meet you.” He remembered his manners belatedly, and shook her hand when she offered hers in return. 

Arpina straightened out and looked at him curiously. “Then that would make you his spouse, why did you not mention that immediately?”

“He doesn’t talk about his family.” Remus flushed. “I didn’t know if he still had other family that he’d consider his next of kin.”

“As his spouse, his medical proxy would go to you.” Arpina told him slowly, as if Remus were a moron for not realizing this. 

Remus bit his lip and looked away towards the door. 

“They don’t know you’re married.” Arpina deduced succinctly. “I shall be discreet, then. However, you will need to inform my second-cousin.”

“Is it necessary?” Remus winced, he didn’t know how Severus would feel about them passing the information on before either of them could really come to terms with it themselves. 

“It will have legal ramifications in his trial.” Arpina ventured, and then for the first time her professional facade cracked and she looked both contrite and amused. “And that would explain why the tethering spell didn’t work, although one look at the marriage registry or birth registry would confirm this. I imagine he’ll check it if you don’t tell him either way. He will need to perform the tethering spell to insure inquiring parties that he’s doing his due diligence as the Minister for Magic.”

“I… Don’t understand, it doesn’t work because he’s married?” 

“It doesn’t work because he legally changed his last name. I figure if they tried Severus Lupin it would work.”

Remus’s mouth dropped open in shock. “I’m sorry,  _ what _ ?”

“I assume you went the soulmate ritual route rather than a traditional marriage with a licence to sign?” She waited for him to nod numbly before she continued. “Then he would be able to change it without even voicing it aloud, just consciously willing it after you made your vows. The marriage registry is updated automatically, even in the case of soulbonds. There is, of course, the possibility that he went to make the change in person, but I doubt it.” She started to look more and more rueful. “I see I’m the first to give you this news?”

“I thought he would keep his last name.” Remus sounded faint even to his own ears. 

“I was quite happy to get rid of my last name.” She confided with a soft smile. “My partner thought it would help me to keep Shacklebolt, especially in light of the war, but I disagree.” 

“Family feuds?” Remus guessed, feeling a little more settled now that he had a way to humanize the woman who was trying to save his husband’s life. 

“In a way. Kingsley is lovely, of course, but I’ve been lucky to distance myself from my parents. I’m happy to be a family with just Diana.”

“It is a nice last name.” Remus complimented. 

“Knock knock!” Nymphadora booted the door open with her arms full of supplies. “I followed your voices! I hope this is everything. I got some funny looks from the apothecary.” She unloaded her arms on the foot of the bed, much to Arpina’s immediate displeasure, and then began reaching into her pockets to pull out more and more. “I had to get two of these, I may have dropped one.” She presented the vial of something that looked suspiciously like foxglove flowers to the healer. 

“Thank you.” Arpina responded stiffly, and then things began to fly around the room with several waves of her wand, setting themselves up. She grabbed the vial from Tonks and placed it delicately beside her small pewter cauldron. 

“So, still unconscious.” She gestured to Severus and then sat down in one of the free chairs and propped one leg up on the other. “How are you doing, Remus? How did you find him, anyways? No one knew where he was.”

“It was luck, I imagine.” Remus replied gingerly, rubbing at the soulmark absently and remembering how it had  _ burned _ .

“You okay?” She could sense something wasn’t quite right, and Remus had to remind himself that she was an auror first and foremost. 

“I’m fine.” Remus offered her a small smile. “Thank you, I’m glad you see you’re safe as well.”

“Well, my aunt gave me a run for my money.” Nymphadora grinned at him. “But then Molly Weasley came at her and, damn, if that woman should have been an auror! You should have seen her.”

“How is everyone else?” Remus’s smile faded at the mention of the battle, wondering if anyone he knew was gone. 

“Ah, well… I don’t know what to say.” Her cheerfulness broke into something more grim and twisted. “A lot of the Weasley’s were injured. But they all made it through so far from what I know.” She looked away, eyes falling on Severus but they weren’t really focusing on him. “I lost some co-workers. A lot of kids fought from Hogwarts… We’re still informing families.” She shook her head as if to clear the darkness from her mind, and then stood up and twirled her wand around her fingers. “Well, let’s see if I can get that tethering spell to stick…”

“Ah, um.” 

“I take my job seriously, Remus. I’d never hurt a suspect unless provoked.” She sent him a firm look. “I know you guys all know something I don’t, but I don’t need to understand to do my job. Honestly I think Kingsley is just putting me on babysitting duty because he thinks I need an easy job after my auror partner…” She trailed off and cleared her throat delicately. “Anyways, it will save him from making the trip.”

“His last name has changed.” Remus spoke up softly. 

“Oh, well, that explains-” She cut herself off then stared at Severus with bugged-out eyes. “Wait, he got  _ married _ ?! Oh,  _ man _ , do some people owe me money.” She looked at Remus impatiently. “Well? What is it? Do you know?” 

Remus sucked in a deep breath and stood up, careful not to get in Arpina’s way as she bustled around the room, pretending she wasn’t paying much attention to their conversation. She paused to meet his gaze and offered him a small smile as she set up an infusion, and then went back to work. Remus stood beside Nymphadora and looked down at Severus, realizing how frail and young he looked lying in hospital linens. 

“You could try Lupin.”

Nymphadora pursed her lips and nodded slowly, looking like she wanted to comment desperately but she knew she had to bite it back. “Noted.” She said at last. She stepped up to his bedside until her wand was directly over his chest and then closed her eyes and moved it in an exact replica of what Kingsley had done earlier that morning. It felt like it had been eons instead of hours since the start of the day. This time the net settled and sank into his skin. 

“Well, colour me jealous.” She smiled at Remus, trying to break the tension with a joke. She even changed her hair colour to green to emphasize it. “Now that he’s not wearing long sleeves I can see it pretty clearly. It’s beautiful, lilies, right?”

“Yes.” Remus rolled up his sleeve to show her the matching one. 

“Congratulations.” She smiled at him in forced cheerfulness. “My mum and da were lilacs. They mean innocent love, or first love.”

“I… I’m sorry. Your father…” Remus shifted in discomfort, wondering if the lilac’s on Andromeda were now withered and gone.

“Life sucks sometimes.” Nymphadora offered, and then looked back at Severus as if in a new light. “So that’s how you found him. The mark led you to him, didn’t it?”

“Yes.” 

“That’s romantic as hell.” She proclaimed, and then plopped back down in her chair. “Well, guess I’m stuck here, too. You got somewhere I can nap?”

XxX

When Severus first awoke it was to a pain like none other in his throat. He felt like he’d wallowed fire, and it was burning him from the inside of his chest out; creating something raw and cracked in its wake. He had memories of being tortured, but this made him writhe and claw at his throat before he was even fully conscious. Suddenly his hands were pried away from his chest and held against his stomach by large hands, and his eyes snapped open to instinctually try and fight against it.

“Severus.” Remus tried to coax him back to reality. “You must stop. You’re tearing at the bandages. Severus. Listen to my voice. You’re safe.”

“He needs a sedative.” A female voice announced.

“We need him awake.” A voice that was vaguely familiar pointed out.

“He will hurt himself more.” Remus’s voice cut through the haze. “He needs something for pain at the very least.”

A sigh. “Alright.”

Warm hands against his face, and something tipped against his mouth. “It will help, Severus. Drink.”

He didn’t want to trust this, whatever it was, but he couldn’t hold his mouth clamped shut as he was too weak. Something slid down his throat, and the fire was almost completely replaced with a numbing cool. He slumped back into the pillows and breathed raggedly, the sharp stabbing pain still there, but significantly reduced. He tried to speak, yet nothing but warped air escaped him, and it hurt more to try. When he finally opened his eyes, they were blurred with itchy tears, and he could only see vague images. One of them was holding his hand now, but not to restrain him, it was a strange sensation. 

“Mr, ah, well….” The blur was starting to look suspiciously like Kingsley Shacklebolt, which was confusing but also a small relief. “Severus, I suppose… We need information. Can you speak?”

“He shouldn’t try.” The other blob was becoming more defined, and he recognized healer’s robes. “It could cause more damage.”

“This is important.” Kingsley insisted. “We need a statement. It’s been a week.”

A week? Since when? What had happened? Where was he?

“Ask him yes or no questions. That’s good enough, ain’t it?” Another female voice, this one more light and upbeat, suggested. “Professor, do you remember me?”

A pink head of hair stepped in front of him, hands shoved into garish red auror robes. He blinked several times and then Nymphadora Tonks came into sharper focus. He nodded, realizing that the people in the room were either polyjuiced, or he was within the safety of order members. He relaxed a little more and tried to say the word ‘yes’ but a stab of pain made him grimace and instantly regret it. 

“Do you remember who that is?” Tonks gestured beside her, and he turned his head, eyes meeting honey brown. A rush of information flooded his brain at that exact moment; he was in Grimmauld Place, he’d been attacked by Nagini, and Remus Lupin was his soulmate. 

He nodded slowly, not trusting himself to do much else, which caused Remus to sink back into his chair gratefully. 

“Brill. Wait…” Tonks turned to Shacklebolt curiously. “You returned the memory, right?” 

Severus turned to Remus and carefully mouthed the words. ‘ _ Albus Dumbledore is dead. I killed him. _ ’

Both Kingsley and Nymphadora fell silent, watching the interaction. Remus gripped his hand a little tighter and smiled sadly. Severus’s mind was whirling, and he was starting to piece together exactly what they wanted from him. Kingsley knew where he was and an auror was present, the fact that he wasn’t in 

Azkaban meant they had seen the memory he left for Remus. Since he could also recall the exact conversation, that meant that Remus had returned it as well. 

“Did he ask you to kill him?” Kingsley directed the conversation smoothly.

_ ‘Yes.’ _

“Why?”

_ ‘Dying.’ _ He made sure to enunciate the word carefully, despite how it pulled on the wounds on his neck. 

“From what?”

_ ‘Curse.’ _

“Did you place the curse on him?”

_ ‘No.’ _

“Why did he want you, specifically, to kill him?”

Severus knew that Kingsley already had the answer, but he played along anyway.  _ ‘Spy.’  _

“You were a spy for Dumbledore?”

_ ‘Yes.’ _

“Who were you spying on?”

‘ _ The Dark Lord. _ ’

“You were spying on Voldemort?”

The shudder that ran through the room was palpable, but Severus still answered with a confirmation.

“To recap; you were spying on Voldemort for Dumbledore, who was already dying from a curse placed on him. He asked you to kill him because you were a spy and it would reduce suspicion from Voldemort. Is this correct?”

_ ‘Yes.’ _

“And yet you were almost killed by his snake’s venom, why?”

Severus paused here and tried to think of a simple answer that wouldn’t strain his voice so much.  _ ‘Anger.’ _

“So he attacked you because he was angry. Did he suspect you were a spy?”

_ ‘No.’ _

“Sounds to me like the barmy bastard just wanted someone to take his rage out on.” Tonks commented loftily, and Severus knew that he couldn’t directly ask him that since it was a question and which would be leading the witness, but he nodded to agree with her. His throat was already starting to ache once more, and he would have reached up to try and soothe it with touch if it weren’t for the fact that Remus Lupin was still  _ holding his hand _ . 

“I think that is enough for now.” Kingsley ventured. “I’m sorry to cause you pain, Severus. You have sacrificed a lot for the greater good of the wizarding world. Once we confirm your information, we will probably be giving you an Order of Merlin for your service. For now you should rest and try to recover.” He stepped back and nodded to the healer at his side, who instantly came at him with several vials of potions, some he could identify by the colour and smell, but there were two that he was weary of. 

“Oh, I suppose congratulations are in order, as well.” Kingsley turned back from the door, but Remus cut off anything else he would have said to clarify.

“He doesn’t remember.” Remus explained softly. 

Before he could ask what they were speaking about, the healer was giving him several potions in a row, explaining what they were when he wouldn’t take the first sip and gave her a cautious look. She was giving him a regeneration potion, as well as sleeping, pain, and strengthening concoctions as well. The one he didn’t recognize was one specifically for the damage caused by venom; not an antidote but a restoration catered to flesh destroyed by venom. 

‘Interaction?’ He asked after he’d finished the last one with a grimace. 

“No, no interactions with these. I have had to stagger some of them for that reason, though.” She smiled at him knowingly. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you’d ask. Now, you’ll need your rest.”

He was dragged under shortly after, but the last thing he heard before he slipped into slumber was the healer turning to someone and saying they could leave his side now; he was out of danger. 


	2. Fever

xXx

When Severus awoke the next morning he was completely alone, the world around him still drugged and hazy from the effects of the sedative potions. Light was filtering through the curtains at the end of the room past the foot of his bed, and he stared at it with the sort of detached wonder only someone intoxicated or well-medicated would appreciate. His thoughts felt like liquid, slipping around in his skull and not settling long enough to focus on one topic. 

He was like that when Healer Hawthrone came and finally introduced herself. She explained that she would be there every day for the next week to help him with his recovery. The first thing she did was make him drink two potions and then basically held him at wand point to eat a half a bowl of oatmeal with banana mashed in. 

“It will hurt to swallow.” She anticipated his grief, but it still didn’t prepare him, nor make it any easier to choke it down. “The pain potions will help.”

She helped him to get cleaned up and perform perfunctory activities of daily living. Severus was a very private person and hated every second of it, but she moved quickly to try and negate some of the discomfort. He could barely sit up, nevermind stand, and after the torture was finished she fed him more potions and he slipped into slumber once more. 

For the entire next two days Severus would wake, attempt to eat, despise how helpless he was, and then be drugged back to sleep. It helped not to attempt to talk at all, and Arpina taught him two ways to communicate with her. One was to spell the words out with the help of his wand, but that used up magical energy he barely had, the other was a tried and true parchment and quill. He wanted to demand more answers, especially about the potions she was feeding him, but his mind and body were too weighed down with fatigue and pain.

Remus was absent, which gave him far too many conflicting emotions to sort through. 

Remus had held his hand, which seemed far too familiar and invasive for what little Severus remembered. The last thing he recalled was going to give him his last dose of wolfsbane, but he couldn’t picture how the night had ended. Every time he tried to recall a memory of Remus, it would only give him vague flashes and feelings. He knew they were soulmates, but even that memory when he discovered it was gone. He must have done it to keep him safe in the war, but now it left him feeling antsy and uncomfortable. He both wanted them back, and was terrified to know what they contained. 

What he did know was the version of Remus he remembered shouldn’t be holding his hand. 

Little by little his strength returned, but Arpina was doubtful that the worst was over. She was proven correct when Severus awoke in the middle of the night clammy and soaked through with sweat, feeling like he was burning alive as he struggled to get the covers off. He startled heavily when he felt someone pull them back for him until there was nothing but two layers of sheet and flannel over him. He thought it was Arpina at first, staying late to do some sort of research he often found her busy with when she wasn’t treating him. 

He struggled to sit up when he realized who it was, feeling exposed in a visceral way. Remus’s hands gently coaxed him back against the pillows, and he was hit with a drying charm that wouldn’t completely negate the discomfort, but reduced it significantly. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly though the dismay, jumping again when a cool cloth was placed over his forehead. 

Severus opened his eyes and glared, but it was half-hearted at best. He’d normally say something acerbic, but he couldn’t. Not once since he awoke did the gravity of the loss of his voice hit him until now. He wanted to speak to Remus, but that was somehow beyond his capabilities. He groped for his wand and found it on the side table. With a surge of magic he was able to shakily spell out his words. 

_ ‘You can stop. War is over. We are free.’ _

You can stop pretending to care about me, or forcing yourself into the role you believe you should have. I know you think it's some sort of sign that we survived the war, but it means nothing. You’re free to leave me to rot if it suits you. Clearly Kingsley and his personal healer have this under control.

Remus sat back in his chair and considered the words hanging in the air carefully. Severus hoped they’d get through to him, but something told him that the damn Gryffindor sensibilities would kick in. He released the magic with a huff and tried again. 

‘ _ Leave me alone, Lupin _ .’

The words, bizarrely enough, had the opposite effect. Instead of getting annoyed or upset, Remus smiled like Severus had just told him a particularly hilarious inside joke. 

“I can give you back your memories, if you’d like.” Remus offered, standing up to replace the cloth with a freshy cooled one. “You left them with me for safe keeping, but it’s up to you if you want them back. I don’t want to force them on you.” Severus wanted to throw the damn cloth at him, and Remus could tell he was coming to the end of his short fuse. He walked to the door and paused there with his hand on the trim. “You don’t need to worry about Draco. I returned him to his mother. He’s angry, but you upheld your promise. He was safe.” 

xXx

Remus returned the next day, much to his chagrin. He brought with him spiced squash soup at lunch, which smelled both wonderful and nauseating at the same time. He hated the way swallowing made him feel, and the anticipatory pain made him have an even more turbulent relationship with food than he already did. He winced his way through a whole bowl, listening to Remus and Arpina chatter away while they also ate. They strayed away from topics involving Severus and his care, which allowed him to glean more information about the both of them. 

Arpina was married, and referred to her wife as insanely intelligent, but apparently too dumb to know how to fold laundry properly. Severus also learned, for what it was worth, that Remus had worked nearly every job under the sun, but mostly, wrote articles under a penname. He worked with local magical law enforcement in Canada for nearly a decade, a few of whom knew he was a werewolf and paid him by contract. He then proceeded to write articles on his findings and sent them to scholars in Britain, who paid him handsomely to be their proxy field researcher. It was due to these articles and their usefulness towards modern defense and creature research, why he was offered a teaching job. 

“He worked in mysterious ways.” Remus offered with a wry smile, referring to how Dumbledore knew it was him despite his pen name. 

“On that note.” Arpina stood up from her chair and gave Remus a thankful smile when he took her dishes from her. She rounded on Severus and he knew whatever came out of her mouth wouldn’t be comfortable for him. “I think it’s about time you had a good bath.”

Remus threw him a sympathetic look, but thankfully, left to deal with the dishes and didn’t return. Arpina lifted him with magic to the bathroom, but let him keep some decency by making it look like he was walking beside her himself. She then spelled his entire neck to be water resistant and insisted she would have to clean his hair because she didn’t trust him not to mess up her perfect wound care. Severus resigned himself to being treated like an infant, curling up in the tub with his knees to his chest and letting her wash his hair twice before she was satisfied. The rest, thankfully, she left to him, only filling the tub halfway with warm soapy water and instructing him to use a washcloth and not touch his neck on threat of hexes. 

Even though it exhausted him beyond what he thought was appropriate, he did feel better afterwards, and was escorted back to a freshly clean bed. He would have fallen asleep immediately if Nymphadora Tonks didn’t burst in to make a joke about him ‘running for it’. 

“I have to check up on you daily, but thankfully I don’t have to sit here and watch you sleep. Shacklebolt doesn’t think you’re much of a threat.” She paused to reconsider her words. “Because you’re not evil, not because you’re injured. Sorry, that came out wrong.”

‘ _ Eloquent _ .’ He wrote in the air with his wand. 

“I can even see the sarcasm.” Tonks grinned at him. “Just behave for these two okay? Or I will definitely find ways to mildly inconvenience you when you’re all healed up.” She twirled her wand around her fingers, smile sharp and not warm in the least. “You’ll find that us Hufflepuffs are  _ very _ resourceful.” 

He could tell the threat extended beyond being a good patient. 

xXx 

Instead of progressing towards independence, Severus took a few giant steps back. He awoke in the middle of the night again, and this time his shivers shook the entire bed. Remus found him trying to sit up to feebly grab at the blanket folded at the foot of his bed in order to pull it over him. Remus used several spells all in a row, but even with the drying and warming spells, Severus could feel his fever spiking even higher.

He went in and out of hazy visions, unsure what was dream and what was reality. At one point he opened his eyes in the still dark hours of the morning to see Albus Dumbledore sitting in the chair Remus normally occupied. He had his hands folded on his lap, and was giving Severus a saddened look. 

“I’m sorry it had to be you, Severus.” He apologized. “I can only hope my death will help you more than my being alive.”

Severus hated that he felt gutted, anger and sorrow rising up within him in equal parts. Deep down he knew Albus couldn’t be there, but it still didn’t stop him from wanting to open his mouth and speak. To yell and curse the man out, to ask him if he felt any pain, if he resented Severus for what he did. All he could do was cough weakly and swallow down the sharp knife-like pain that caused. 

“I was always rather fond of you, you know.” Albus continued thoughtfully. “You understood that darkness has its place in this world, and you did everything I asked, even when it hurt you. I couldn’t have asked for a better subordinate. I simply hope you knew it hurt me to watch you suffer in return.” He leaned forward and Severus knew his fever must be severe; he could feel Albus’s weathered hand on his shoulder. “Your role is over, you can rest now. If you so choose, you can let go… But I hope you stay. I hope I see you after you’ve lived a full life, and you can tell me how you were finally able to allow yourself to be happy.”

The door opened abruptly and Severus looked over Albus’s shoulder to where Remus was holding the door open for Arpina. It was still too early for her to be there, but Remus must have called her in. The lights in the room flickered on and the shadow where Albus sat was suddenly empty. 

“His fever won’t go down.” Remus was saying, voice low and frantic. “I tried everything.”

“It’s an infection.” Arpina immediately touched his forehead with the back of her hand and recoiled with a very unprofessional string of swear words. “I need to remove the bandages. The venom must be keeping it from healing.” She grimaced. “We will need to put antibiotics directly into the wound.”

“Is there anything we did?” Remus sat on the edge of the bed and wiped off his brow, Severus watched it all through half-lidded eyes. In the background he could hear Arpina clanging around, pulling several things out at once. 

“Remus?” Harry was at the doorway, still dressed in his pyjamas but wide awake with his wand in hand. “Is he okay?”

“He’s got a terrible fever.” Remus responded. “I called Healer Hawthorne here.”

“Do you need anything?” Harry stepped into the room, taking in the glazed over look on Severus’s face. “Do you need me to run out and get anything?”

“Actually.” Arpina spoke up. “I do. Can you go to St. Mungos, Harry? I need you to give this to Healer Katsuko.” She handed him a piece of parchment. “And then I need you to bring her back here.”

Severus slipped back into unconsciousness, but this time it was to find himself standing in Kings Cross, the world around him shrouded in a white haze. He was sitting on one of the sparse benches, surprised that he wasn’t chilled anymore.

“Hello, Sev.” 

He turned and stared at the figure on the bench beside him, heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

“Lily.” He spoke before he remembered that he shouldn’t be able to, hand reaching up to touch his neck and finding his wound gone. 

She looked just as he remembered her; intelligent eyes, knowing smile, and her beautiful red hair pulled over her shoulder like she used to when they studied together. Except she looked older, old enough to be a mother; her face had lost that last bit of baby fat she’d had at seventeen.

“You’re not thinking of staying, are you?” She asked imploringly, leaning forward to force him to meet her bright green eyes. 

“I… Lily, I’m sorry.”

She shook her head in amusement and then smiled wryly. “Not what I asked for, Sev.”

“I never meant to say those things to you-” He insisted urgently.

“I know.” She held her hand up to cut him off of his apologetic diatribe. “I know and I forgive you. I was angry for a long time, mourning the loss of you for  _ years _ before it happened.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I couldn’t have one thing without losing the other, and I hated how unfair it was. I saw you hanging out with Malfoy and I knew, I _ knew,  _ there wasn’t room for me in your world anymore. That was why I was so angry, not because of what you called me.”

“It’s my fault you’re dead.” He hissed. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Well, too bad. It’s mine to give.” She shot back. “I had time to think about what happened, and James and I fought about it, but I  _ did _ want to write to you. You were my best friend, it felt wrong to not have you in my life. I still regret it.” She looked down and pushed her hair away again when it fell into her eyes. “Things could have been different. If only, right?”

“I would have gladly died to keep you safe. I just… I was foolish.” He vowed and then felt the greasy shame sink in.

“Wanted to belong? I know. Me too.” The look she gave him hit him like a  _ bombarda _ . He’d forgotten how they could just look at each other and have an intrinsic understanding. It pierced him right through, and for the first time in a long, long, time he felt tears of sorrow well up in his eyes. “We’ll go mad thinking of all our mistakes, Sev. I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you, not for any of it. We were both stubborn, and I know you tried to make things right.” 

Severus put his head into his hands and wanted to tell her no, no it wasn’t alright for her to not blame him. Voldemort killed her because he told him of the prophecy, and if Severus had been the one to be their secret keeper, he would have died to keep it. If only he realized sooner that impressing others and being needed for his talents were superficial and pathetic. If only he’d gotten to the Potter’s that much quicker. Perhaps he could have died in her place, giving her the chance to run. 

“Thank you for looking after Harry,” Lily nudged him, “But you definitely owe him an apology. Honestly, Severus, I know James was a right prat, but you didn’t get to meet him once he grew up. He regretted how he treated you, and Harry is not his father. Just like you aren’t yours.”

He opened his mouth to defend himself; to say it was easier to be angry than to deal with the fact that Harry looked so much like James it sickened him. It was easier to keep him at arms distance thanks to being a ‘death eater spy’, so he didn’t have to look at Lily’s son and see his own failures. Lily didn’t deserve all that; she didn’t need to hear him hiding behind his own weaknesses. He lifted his head and looked at her, trying to memorize what she looked like with the knowledge it would be the last time he’d ever see her. 

Truly, Harry had no idea how lucky he would have been to have her as a mother. 

“You  _ don’t  _ have a choice to make.” She grabbed his hands suddenly, her green eyes boring into him intensely. “You’re going to get on that train, and you’re going to go home to Remus. You tell him James misses him and Sirius desperately. You’re going to tell Harry that I am proud of him and I love him no matter what.” She squeezed his hands tightly. “Then, you spend the rest of your life happy and in love, because I can think of no better revenge to the people who hurt you in the past.”

“I don’t know how to do that.” Severus whispered. 

“Then learn.” She laughed. “I’m not going to spoon feed you, Sev.” She lifted her hand to point ahead of them, and there in it’s shining crimson glory, was the Hogwarts Express. “There’s your ride.”   
  


She coaxed him to standing and shooed him towards the platform. “I’ll be here. I’ll see you later,  _ much _ later.” She added warningly. “So no more of this martyr business.”

xXx

Severus awoke to the feeling of sunshine on his face, he was finally warm and comfortable, and he knew that he was alive. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear the glare of the light, he tried to lift his hand to push his hair back, only to find it occupied. He turned his head to the side to find Remus asleep with his head pillowed on his arm, his hand was wrapped securely around Severus’s, and the sunlight on his brown hair made it almost look like a halo of red. 

He gently slipped his hand out of Remus’s grip, watching as he readjusted but still didn’t wake fully. Able to drink in his fill of the sight before him without worrying, he found his mind wandering to all those blank parts in his memories. Did he know what it was like to thread his hands through Remus’s hair like he could right now? Did he know what it was like to wake up beside him? Did he already have the answer of how to be happy?

It had been terrifying to wake up and realize he’d given in despite all the reasons he kept himself in check over the years. He’d finally let go of being the martyr like Lily said, even though he didn’t deserve it. Now he was relieved. Perhaps when he regained his memories he’d find he already took those vitally important steps, and now he simply had to follow the momentum down. Perhaps Remus wasn’t looking after him due to some inane sense of duty; he genuinely…   
  
“Severus!” 

The shout and subsequent stomping had Remus waking with a start. He had his wand out and pointed it at the door before he was even fully awake, but Severus recognized the voice and lifted his hand to catch Remus’s attention. He shook his head and touched Remus’s arm to push it down as the steps drew closer. 

“Fuck off, Potter. He cannot die before I get the chance to hex him into oblivion!” Draco Malfoy threw open the door, eyes wide with anger, clothes and hair in disarray as he stormed over. “You absolute bastard.” He spat out, shaking with barely controlled rage. “You- how dare-!”

“Draco.” Remus stood up, his tone admonishing. 

“No, no, you shut it! You don't get to tell me to calm down. Neither of you get to tell me to calm down!” Draco pointed at Remus and Harry accusingly. “You weren’t fucking dragged out of your bed kicking and screaming, then memory charmed to think you were-” He cut himself off, chest heaving. “I had a fucking choice, Severus. You had no right! My  _ mother _ had no right!”

Severus nodded, shifting to a sitting position and allowing Remus to pile some pillows behind his back so he was at least somewhat propped up. 

“What? Did you think you’d teach me a lesson in humility? Leaving me in that muggle hospital? Miserable and alone!? MY FATHER IS DEAD!” He screamed, lifting his wand and pointing it directly at Severus’s chest. Severus shook his head, making eye contact with both Remus and Harry to tell them not to interfere. “My father is dead and I couldn’t… He died and I wasn’t able to…” He was shaking badly, eyes red with unshed tears. “You have no idea how much I  _ hate _ you.”

Severus reached for his own wand on the bedside table, and then began to painstakingly spell out his response so Draco could read it. 

‘ _ You don’t have to forgive me. I kept you safe. I’d do it again. _ ’

“Fuck you.” Draco spat. “You self-righteous prick. I never want to see you again. You are  _ not _ my godfather.”

With that he turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him, presumably returning to the study so he could floo himself away. 

“What, er, that wasn’t what I expected him to say.” Harry looked apologetic. “He wouldn’t stop asking and I thought he wanted to…”

‘ _ It’s fine. _ ’ Severus responded. ‘ _ He needed to say it. _ ’

“You’re feeling better, I see.” Remus addressed the obvious, voice softening. “We… We were worried about you.”

‘ _ I died. _ ’

“How-?” Harry started to demand, but then clamped his mouth shut with a click. 

“You had a seizure.” Remus sat down in his chair with a slump to his shoulders. “You stopped breathing…”

“King’s Cross?” Harry asked meekly. 

‘ _ Yes. _ ’

“Oh, good. It’s not just me.” Harry sat down in the unoccupied chair, looking a little faint. “Who did you see?”

“What?” Remus looked between the two of them, bewildered. 

‘ _ Your mother loves you. _ ’ Severus carefully wrote out. ‘ _ She’s proud of you. _ ’ He paused and then scowled in clear discomfort. ‘ _ And I am sorry for how I treated you. _ ’ 

Harry let out a burst of hysterical laughter. “Figures you’d get mum, she tell you right off, then?”

Remus looked at Severus in contemplation. “You saw Lily?”

Severus was still answering Harry. ‘ _ In a manner of speaking. _ ’

“I got Professor Dumbledore.” Harry rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “I kinda wish I had gotten my mum or dad, too.”

Severus felt it was unfair to mention he technically had seen both Albus and Lily, but he couldn’t be sure if the first one was a manifestation of a fevered and guilty mind. 

“This conversation is too much for my nerves.” Remus grumbled. “I’m going to make tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So there was a very big part of me that didn’t want to take away Severus’s voice, because I love his voice, but I also have already written him getting off scot free in that department. I think it’s very likely the damage to his vocal cords would be too great, even though he got treatment. I know people are probably gonna be like ‘but magic tho’ and as much as I’d like to agree, the mediwitch in me thinks it wouldn’t be that simple. 
> 
> Also this chapter made me very sad but I am happy to have some more characters show up and get their retribution. It's my kink lol.


	3. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, last chapter was fun, huh? Yeah… I promise that’s the worst of the drama. I think. Who am I kidding? I sit on a bed of lies.

xXx

Severus grew to resent Arpina when she came bustling in certain mornings, especially when she clapped her hands decisively and gave him a look that booked no room for arguments. 

“It’s time to start walking!” She declared.

This meant more grueling work for Severus and his nerves, because Arpina was borderline cruel, and Remus had absolutely no sympathy for him. 

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” The traitor agreed.

Severus leaned back into his pillows and prayed to a deity he didn’t believe in, then he was manhandled to the side of the bed. He knew he was being petulant for no reason, but he started most days off exhausted after the simple task of eating. The pain in his throat was getting better, but he wasn’t onto solid foods just yet. His muscles felt like rubber, and this would be the first time Arpina didn’t cast a lightening charm on him. He would be carrying the brunt of his own weight. 

Arpina’s hand was at his back, making sure he didn’t lean that way, and Remus had both of his arms underneath Severus’s, cradling his elbows and giving him something to stabilize himself on. He stood up on shaky legs, heartbeat thready and breath shaky. He felt foolish that Arpina was in his ear informing him how to walk properly when he knew damn well how to do it, thank you very much. He did it for thirty six years before she showed up.

Still, Remus in front of him helped, because he refused to use a walker no matter what either of them said. He could lean onto sturdy arms and use him to keep his balance. Remus was unshakable, murmuring encouragement and letting Severus set the pace. He was so focused on moving his feet that he didn’t realize how far they’d gone until they were in the hallway and he was panting. 

Remus smelled like he’d been reading the old books in the Black library again, and the same woodsy scent, like he’d been out all night traipsing in a forest somewhere. Then there was always the faint chocolate, like he’d eaten so much of it over the years it made itself permanent on his clothing. Severus had a brief flashback to his last year teaching, and how he hated having to teach Amortentia. It was the least useful of the potions, and he despised the twittering of students as they attempted to smuggle some out of the class every single lesson. Still, of the five common senses, this one always managed to dredge up the most potent memories. 

The mineral smell of freshly crushed moonstone, chalky and gritty at the same time. The cloying and sickeningly sweet milk chocolate that used to make him frown in distaste when he walked past Honeydukes. Old books that opened to create a perfume of ancient book glue, parchment, and dried ink. Finally, the most alarming that had been a theme through his young to adulthood; the overwhelming scent of lilies, except that floral note was always mixed now with the smell of a woodsy forest. 

Moonstone for the wolfsbane he made every month without fail, milk chocolate that Remus always had on his person to force feed people who were having a rough time, old books for studying in the library, and lilies. Not because of Lily Evans, like he’d first assumed, but for a different reason altogether.

“Memories.” He breathed. He couldn’t form a tone to his voice, but he could use his mouth to manipulate the air enough that someone could understand him if they were close enough. 

“Sorry?” Remus looked up from their feet and suddenly they were very, very, close. He could see the ring of auburn around Severus’s eyes. 

“Memories.” Severus repeated slowly. 

“I don’t know if I’d advise that.” 

Both of them jumped, having forgotten that Arpina was even still there. 

“Perhaps one at a time.” She offered. “I don’t want to overwhelm his already weakened system.”

“No.” Severus shook his head. “All.”

She pursed her lips at his stubbornness. “Why the sudden need now? You just got through the end of a messy infection, you know. It will take up a lot of magic, especially since you’ve gone so long without them.”

He turned to glare at her over his shoulder and she sighed, holding up her hands in defeat. “Fine. If you’re set on it.” 

He walked back to the bed and nearly collapsed on it. He didn’t want to show how much it had drained him, since he was now dead set on retrieving what he’d lost. Arpina wouldn’t let him until after he’d eaten a full lunch, and only then did she give Remus permission to bring the pensive into the room with all the memories. Severus was quite surprised to see the sheer magnitude of them, watching the silver strands swirling around in the small pensive Remus put in front of him. 

The second thing he noticed was that Remus was inching away, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Arpina left to go get herself some tea, knowing Severus would like some privacy, but also stayed in the vicinity in case it overloaded his magic core. Remus, however, looked like he wanted to bolt as soon as he put the pensive down, which was highly suspicious. 

“I’ll just leave you to it, then.” He tried to bow out gracefully, but Severus was lightning quick in his reflex, grabbing onto his jacket so he couldn’t get away. 

‘ _ Running away? _ ’ He spelled out with his wand, letting go as soon as he had his attention.

Remus sighed heavily and sat down in his chair, pursing his lips for a moment as he stared at the pensive. “I don’t know if I can sit here and watch you if you start to regret everything that happened. If, looking back, it wasn’t actually what you wanted. It… It would be painful. I’d give you space, of course, but...” He hurried to assure him, and then his eyes fluttered shut and he sucked in a breath to steady himself. “You’re right, someone should be here in case you react badly. I’m sorry, that was selfish.”

So something had happened. Something significant enough that Remus was willing to put up with all of this for a chance to have it back. No, Severus startled when the realization came to him, he would have stayed anyways, even if Severus never wanted these memories back. If he decided he was better off without them, Remus would have still sat at his bedside every night, sleeping in an uncomfortable chair, wiping the sweat from his brow.

‘ _ You like me. _ ’

Remus frowned at the words in bewilderment. “Of course I’m fond of you. You’re a bit of a bastard sometimes, but unfortunately…” His lip twitched up into a smirk. “That’s part of why.”

Severus looked down into the pensive, and it was as though Remus’s nerves had transferred to him. This wasn’t just his memories he was recovering, it was the memories of them together. Moments that meant something more than just Remus being the person that was his soulmate. If he returned these, there was no going back to being oblivious of their history. 

‘ _ Do you want an out? _ ’

The sentence was in the air, hovering between the two of them, and Severus wanted to take back the offer as soon as he suggested it. 

Remus grabbed his wand hand and lowered it, shaking his head. “No, no, I don’t regret any of it.”

The strongest memories were drawn to his wand first, but the constant stream from the pensive to his skull was like a floodgate being thrown open. The memories didn’t play out from start to finish, it was like watching bits and pieces and then being able to fill in the blanks with the remainder of the information. The night of their wedding ceremony flooded in first, the most potent and recent, and he felt breathless just thinking about it. 

More and more memories of Remus asking him to marry him, his reluctance to admit that there was really anything between them enough to give in. How Remus had tried time and time again to get his attention, and he pushed him away at every turn. Their thirty-third year was particularly hard to digest, recalling the terrible things he’d said, how he’d reacted to finding out they were soulmates. Looking at it from the most recent to distant past, he couldn’t help but feel ashamed and remorseful. 

‘A  _ bit _ of a bastard’ didn’t feel adequate enough.

He was quiet for a long time, digesting the memories and letting them sink back into his subconscious until they were back in sequential order. He remembered all the resentment, but it seemed so distant now, so juvenile. Albus was right, he was begrudged to admit, he always needed incentive to do what was best for him. He’d spent so long being the martyr that he never stopped to consider that he was doing half of this to himself. 

And to Remus. 

“Do you want me to go?” Remus offered softly, and Severus panicked and reached out to grab his arm in a tight grip. 

“I’m trying.” He breathed, voice and body shaking. There was still a self-flagellating part of him that wanted to push him away, to play the victim again and ‘free’ Remus from their bond. Now that the anger had drained out of him with nowhere left to go, he was starting to feel guilty that he’d given in and said yes to his proposal. Albus had told him to find joy where he could, but was he taking it away from someone who could be happy without him?

Lily had been happy without him. 

“Talk to me.” Remus pleaded softly, tone bordering on desperate. “Stop pushing me away.”

He was hurting him  _ right now _ , saying nothing. 

Severus opened his eyes, unsure when he’d clenched them shut. The pensive was out of his lap and on the bedside table, and Remus’s hand was still in his iron grip. He gently pulled his hand back and then picked up his wand, the letters coming out slow and hesitant. 

‘ _ You are too patient. _ ’

“I… I don’t…?” Remus blinked, confusion clear on his face. 

‘ _ I told you to give that back immediately. You are too good. It’s ridiculous. _ ’

Remus couldn’t help but let out a disbelieving laugh. “I try to be considerate and that’s a problem?”

‘ _ Yes. _ ’

Severus knew he wasn’t staring at someone new, but it felt like it. This wasn’t just Remus Lupin, the boy he had grown up watching and resenting. This was actually a man who liked him enough to pursue him despite his prickly and downright rude responses. The man who gave up all chances at finding someone new, all for one night together. A man who remained loyal and committed to him despite the fact that he was a murderer, and hurt people in the war. 

This was his husband. 

The revelation gave him a burst of nervous energy, and he grabbed onto Remus’s shirt lapels and dragged him closer so he could finally get his homecoming kiss. He felt like he was vibrating out of his skin, wanting Remus closer so he could get lost in this and not have to think about how he’d almost fucked it all up. Remus was so good, and warm, and perfect. Holding onto him like he meant something instead of some miserable patient who could barely walk or speak anymore. 

“UGH.” The disgusted sound was loud and obnoxious, coming from the doorway. “This is why you guys need to get your own place. Ew.”

Remus turned around and gave Sirius the middle finger, which made the ex-convict break character and laugh. 

“Letter for you, Snape.” He tossed it onto his lap and then shoved his hands into his jean pockets with a grin. “Also, glad you’re not dead. This one would have been insufferable.” He jerked his head at Remus. 

‘ _ Lupin. _ ’ Severus corrected him with quick jerks of his wand, the first smile he’d allowed himself since before the war was downright evil. 

“Uh, yeah, I know his name.” Sirius was giving him a strange look. Remus had his hand over his mouth and turned away from his friend, trying not to laugh or grin and give it away. 

The last name hovered there, staring Sirius right in the face until the horror dawned on him and he threw the tantrum Severus had been waiting for for far too long. 

“YOU FUCKING DID NOT! HOW?! WHEN?! REMUS! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!? HE DID NOT-” Sirius gaped at the two of them, who were actually sniggering like children; one a little more loudly than the other. “THIS IS NOT FUNNY. YOU DID NOT GET MARRIED. NO. I OBJECT. I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS. YOU ARE SNAPE. YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. I AM NOT CALLING YOU LUPIN AND I SURE AS FUCK AM NOT CALLING YOU SEVERUS.”

“You were waiting for that, weren’t you?” Remus lifted himself up to sit on the bed beside his husband, dropping all pretenses and grinning madly. “That’s the reason you took my last name.”

Severus’s eyes turned a little more serious. ‘ _ Among others. Who told you? _ ’

“They tried to do a tethering spell and it wouldn’t work. Arpina suggested you’d changed your name. And… I remembered when you were at the shop and you didn’t go by ‘Snape’.” Remus took Severus’s left hand and reached into his robe pocket with the other, pulling out the ring he’d been holding onto. “I suppose I can finally give you this.”

“I am going to throw up.” Sirius commented faintly, still standing there in equal parts shock and dismay. 

“You don’t have to stay.” Remus replied pointedly as he slipped the ring onto his left ring finger. Severus allowed him, feeling dazed and overwhelmed as his gaze lingered on the token that felt alien on his finger. 

“Yup, leaving now. I’m taking Harry to get drunk. We deserve it. I’m taking Arpina too, she also deserves it. You two do not. You are traitors.” Sirius had already left the room, still yelling back at them over his shoulder. 

Severus lifted his hand and stared at the plain gold band, unsure of how to react. He felt uncomfortable now that he had to face up to his decision. Annoying Black and watching him squirm was satisfying, but he mentally chastised himself at the childishness. Back when he’d first decided to change his last name, it had been a split second decision, one that made him feel he was finally leaving the darkness of his past behind. He didn’t spare a thought to how that would make Remus feel after he was dead and gone, only that it felt vindicating that he wouldn’t leave that world as his father’s miserable son. 

_ 'I apologize. I should have asked first.' _

"About Sirius? No he deserved that." Remus dismissed cheerfully, and then reconsidered after Severus remained still. "Or do you mean the name bit?"

_ 'Name.' _

Remus blushed, ducking his head sheepishly as the colour filled his cheeks. "It was a shock, but… I've had some time to get used to the idea." He loved it, to be perfectly honest, but there was more to the story than just that. Changing one's name was a serious decision, not one Severus would have taken lightly. 

"You'll tell me why? One day?" Remus requested gently. "It doesn't have to be now, but I want to hear it."

Severus shifted in discomfort but nodded.

Remus knew it was high time to change the topic, and lifted the letter Sirius had brought with him in the first place. "You should open it. The place is spelled to reject any mail with ill intention." He hesitated and lifted his gaze to match Severus's. "Do… you want me to go? You don't have to-"

Severus glared at him and the words were written with quick, annoyed, strokes.  _ 'I will tell you when I want you to bugger off. I preferred the angry you better.' _

Severus knew he could be cruel and hurtful with his words, but sometimes even he wished he didn't jump to anger so quickly. He meant that he wanted the version of Remus who wasn't tip toeing around his feelings, always trying to sus out the perfect response. The Remus who argued with him and was more honest with his emotions. He was not a man who enjoyed being coddled, and the people-pleasing made him agitated. Remus could do that to other people, but not to him.

Severus held his breath, waiting for the hurt expression or carefully concocted response. Instead of taking offense, Remus chuckled awkwardly and his posture relaxed a bit. 

"I guess it's something I will have to get used to…" 

Severus ripped open the letter, eager for the change of subject. He didn't want to stew on the fact that he was lucky enough to have a husband with a built in decoder. The lack of voice may be a blessing in disguise, and he'd learn to temper himself before he threw out snide remarks. 

Except the two pieces of parchment that fluttered out were not a good replacement for the strange atmosphere at all. In fact, just the sight of them forced a visceral reaction from him before he could stop himself. He dropped the letter and choked on a gasp, pulling his hands away towards his chest as though the familiar cursive had burned him. 

"Severus?" 

He shook his head curtly, trying to cut off any questions or actions to console him. Instead he stared down at the parchment as wave after wave of emotion crashed into him. He took several long, shaky, breaths to get himself back under control, and thankfully Remus gave him the space to do so. 

_ 'Dear Severus.' _

The words mocked him; he'd seen them so many times in his life that he'd taken them for granted. 

His eyes landed on the other letter, and he grasped onto it like a lifeline. 

It was a simple, professional, script. Not one he had seen before, and the impersonal aspect helped to anchor him so he could focus on what was happening. The words were brief, explaining that the letter attached was meant for him, and could only be sent if certain criteria were met. The first, of course, was that Severus Lupin (Nee Snape) was alive, the second was he was coherent enough to understand the subject matter, and third, he must have been found innocent of the crime he committed. 

Severus couldn't have known his trial passed quietly that morning in Kingsley's office, without his presence needed, but the magic around Albus Dumbledore's last will and testament didn't care to take that into account. The moment he was deemed an innocent man, the letter would send itself. 

Albus's solicitor informed him that the personal note would explain his intent with the will, but once he formulated his questions and had time to come to terms with it, he should contact her immediately. 

Severus handed Remus the solicitor's paper first, in lieu of an explanation. He picked up the other one, ignoring the sudden lump in his throat, and began to read.

_ ‘Dear Severus, _

_ This letter comes to you as a result of my inevitable death. At the time I am writing this, it has been one day since our conversation, and your solemn vow to carry out the act I left to you.  _

_ A man as old as I am has had a lot of time to look back on his life: there were many triumphs and joyful moments, but just as many mistakes and hard choices. What I asked of you was perhaps the hardest of all, even though I have sent many a friend and comrade to their deaths. In this way, I am no better than Voldemort, demanding you to shatter your soul for my sake. I am no hero, and I welcome death knowing that fact.  _

_ I made this request of you with a heavy heart, as I know you deserve it least of all. You have been burdened with so much sadness in your life, and I have done nothing to alleviate it. In fact, I have added enough weight that would break a lesser man. I know you hold your anger like a cloak, using it to protect you from anyone else getting past your defenses. I must apologize for breeding this resentment in you.  _

_ I want you to know that you and I are much alike. I, too, held many people at a distance. Although our methods were different the result was the same. We could only truly rely on ourselves, especially to do the things that many people could not.  _

_ What you must know, Severus, is this does not make us strong. It does not make us superior. I leave this earth with a legacy of deceit, and some may call it courageous but others may just as well call it heartless. At the time of my death I leave no one behind, because I closed my heart and gave no one my love. I do not wish this upon anyone, and I can only hope my words save you from a similar fate.  _

_ In our worst hours, and the moments that try to break us, true strength comes from acknowledging our weaknesses and striving to be better. We must fall and crumble to build ourselves into something stronger, but that foundation will always fail without love. Love is the most powerful weapon of all; we love so that we may grow and make ourselves the best versions we can be. We all have love inside us, no matter how alone we feel, but you must be willing to access that love. It is painful, it will hurt, but you will never reach your full potential without it. _

_ I know this sounds like the sentimental ramblings of an old man, but perhaps that is because I have lived long enough to see the truth. You are capable of so much more than you know, Severus. The choice to be happy is a grave one, but never doubt you are worthy.  _

_ I know this may come as a shock to you, because the way I treated you has been callous in the past, but I am actually quite fond of you. I know that familial ties are a source of grief for the both of us, but you reminded me of a nephew, if I'd ever been allowed such a thing. If I ever gave you reason to doubt that, please forgive me. These last few years have forced us into a more militarized role, but I'd like to think the years before that I grew on you. Perhaps like a foot fungus, but there all the same.  _

_ I don't have kin to leave my more frivolous things to; the important artifacts will be divided up as needed. As such, I must choose someone to leave my wealth and property to.  _

_ That, dear boy, is you.  _

_ Please take good care of yourself. If you wish to sell it all and be rid of me, I understand. I only hope my words have thawed you a little, and so that perhaps in the future you will allow yourself a second chance at life.  _

_ Love, _

_ Albus.' _

Manipulative bastard, he seethed. How dare he continue to do this to him now, even after his death? He always got the last word, didn't he? Leaving him unsteady with questions, and just when he thought he had the answers, he ripped the rug out from under him again. 

Severus was shaking by the time he finished, and at first he recognized it as the familiar old rage building up, but to his horror, with that rage came something long forgotten. 

Tears. 

Crying was ugly, and it hurt his throat just as severely as it had when he’d first awoken after the battle. He hated, oh how he hated, that a dead man still had this power over him. He tried to stifle the sobs and wipe away the evidence of his weakness, but it wouldn’t fade. Eventually he hid his face in his hands, face hot with anguish, and heart pounding heavily in his chest. He vaguely registered a handkerchief being placed in his hands, helping to absorb the tears and muffle his fractured voice. Then the bed dipped beside him and a gentle hand brushed up and down his back in a soothing caress. 

Remus didn’t say anything, didn’t try to hold him, and although his presence was vaguely mortifying, he also didn’t want him to leave. Severus curled his knees up and pressed his forehead against them, wanting to hide from the world that continued to take more and more from him, demanding emotions that he didn’t want to give. He felt powerless, angry, and resentful, but the kindness of Albus’s words hurt more than all the terrible things he’d had to do for his sake.    
  
Because he could remember the years in between.

He remembered Albus showing up at his doorstep a year after Lily’s death, offering him a position to teach at Hogwarts. He remembered Albus staying in his office as he poured over lesson plans, being a nuisance as he noseily went through his things and offered somewhat useful suggestions. He remembered Albus gently refusing him time and time again the position of Defence, because he said Severus was more useful not being cursed and potentially hurt. He remembered Albus chastising him in his roundabout way, especially when it came to Harry Potter. 

He remembered the night when Albus asked him to be his killer, how he looked like he was going to reach for Severus and actually hug him, and then decided against it and left. 

Albus was not a good man, he would be remembered as a hero of the light, but his actions led to suffering. He was a master manipulator, standing above it all with an innocent smile and flowery words. 

Severus wanted to hate him, but he couldn’t. 

Everything was sore when he awoke, not recalling how he’d fallen asleep. He took several gulps of the pain potion at his bedside and waited with exhausted, foggy, patience as it kicked in. The letter was back in it’s envelope, with a warm cup of broth under a stasis charm beside it. Severus vaguely remembered the feeling of breath ruffling his hair, and the bed beside him was still warm. 

He was calm, but he didn’t think he could handle a re-read of the letter. He placed it in the bedside drawer and closed it, cradling the mug to his chest and taking small sips as the pain faded into a dull ache. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I need to update the tags with 'sirius black is a dramatic bitch and I love him'
> 
> Also. The shmoop begins. This will be the last update for a little while. Just writing little bits at a time for now but we will get there!


	4. Pain

  
  
  
Severus was saved from the brunt of the wizarding world’s perchance for martyrdom and celebration, but he knew that going to St. Mungos would be a stressful affair. From what Sirius proclaimed was written in The Prophet, people were split down the middle on how to react to his involvement in the war. Some believed he should be locked up and left to rot, others believed he was some misunderstood hero. This was all thanks, of course, to Potter opening his big, fat, mouth the night that his godfather had taken him out drinking. 

Someone had made a comment, Harry had blown up, and the next day there was an entire article about how Severus was like the father he never had and Harry was single-handedly nursing him back to health. 

Severus never looked more murderous, and Sirius was downright gleeful despite his clear offense taken that  _ he _ was technically the father Harry never had. He was his godfather, damnit!

Severus recovered enough to walk and move about on his own, but the use of his vocal cords never returned. That was what prompted the visit to St. Mungos that windy August morning. There was a storm on the horizon, and Remus was hoping to go grocery shopping shortly after their appointment. He would be dropping Severus off at home, or the place that currently housed four grown men while technically only belonging to one of them. All of whom were trying not to trip over each other despite the fact that the house had six separate floors including the basement.    
  


The potion’s master took to his physiotherapy with a vigour unlike before, and Remus kept to himself the reason for the change. The letter from Albus and his solicitor was hidden away from prying eyes, and Severus finally agreed to a meeting with Lyra Perberry next week to discuss moving things into his own name. He was more agitated about that than his appointment today, and spent most nights wearing holes into the carpet as he wondered what the old Headmaster had left him. 

The two of them strode into St. Mungos with Tonks’s accompaniment, the metamorphmagus was currently sporting hair in deep Slytherin green in ‘solidarity’ but it only succeeded in pissing Severus off more. She had taken to calling herself the ‘sitter’, only showing up once a week now that Severus was a free man. She teased him mercilessly, calling him ‘Mr. Lupin’ whenever she got the chance, with a sly smirk on her face.

Remus didn’t say anything, but he tried to hide his smile from Severus by turning his head away. 

“Ah, yes, I was told of your arrival.” A young mediwizard looked up from the Poison and Potion ward front desk. “Right this way, please.”

Kingsley’s influence trickled all the way down to the day staff, as he wanted to ensure no one had the chance to tip off the reporters. Severus felt unnerved by the treatment, sneering to Remus that no one gave a damn about him before the war, why start now? 

“Ah, you can’t go back there, patients and medical personnel only.” The mediwizard held up his hand to stop Remus from following. He didn’t look twice at Tonks and her auror robes. 

‘ _ That’s my husband you twit. _ ’

“Oh, er, sorry sir… I didn’t realize…”

Remus sighed. “Severus you cannot call the medical staff ‘twits’.” He turned to the young man with an apologetic smile. “Please ignore him. He’s in a mood today.”

The mediwizard nodded with an awkward grimace and turned back to his charting. 

“Did Mr. Lupin not wake up on the right side of the casket this morning?” Tonks joked, putting on a voice like one might if they were talking to a child. 

“Nymphadora…” Remus gave her a beseeching look.   
  
“Ugh, call me Dora, that just reminds me of my mum yelling at me.”

‘ _ Don’t you have a job to do somewhere? Preferably far away from me? _ ’

Tonks smiled at him serenely. “Oh how strange, I suddenly forgot how to read.”

“Severus  _ do not hex _ an auror.”

_ ‘I won’t.’ _ Severus put his wand away begrudgingly. 

“You were thinking about it.”

“Ugh, you two even have the married mind-reading thing down, too.” Tonks complained, but she was clearly enjoying the amusement at Severus’s expense. 

Although things started off on a light-hearted note, the three of them soon found themselves in a room with a healer that looked extremely unhappy with the prospect of interacting with Severus.

“Hello, Mr. Snape.” Her voice was dead and rehearsed. “My name is Healer Siccanuchi. I will be doing your examination today.” 

She didn’t even look at the other two in the room with them, and instead all but pushed Severus into the examination chair and began to prod his neck with her wand. Several flashes of light hit him one right after the other, and his fingers clutched the arms of the chair with white knuckles. He was a facade of calm, only the barest of twitching and coughing when she continued on her diagnostics. Her round face was a constant frown, only pausing twice to stop and write some things down in his chart. 

“I’ll be right back.” She turned on her heel and left the room, blue healer robes swishing in her wake. 

“She was my year.” Tonks recalled, mouth pressed into a firm line. “I remember her being a bit more personable, though.”

Severus took a few calming breaths, wincing as he lifted his wand and wrote out: ‘ _ She was a Gryffindor, a mouthy one. _ ’ 

Remus rubbed at his face, suddenly exhausted with this entire scenario. “And you probably tried to knock her down a peg or two, didn’t you?”

Severus didn’t respond, glaring off into the middle distance. 

“I’ll have to ask the two of you to leave.” Healer Siccanuchi came back into the room levitating a procedural tray.

“Sorry, orders are to remain with him at all times.” Tonks gave her a sharp grin. “Take it up with Minister Shacklebolt.”

The healer rounded on Remus instead. “And you? Are you an auror?” She looked him up and down doubtfully. 

“No, Remus Lupin.” He held his hand out for her, and suddenly her expression morphed into something a little more human.

“Oh, you taught Defense, didn’t you?” She hesitantly leaned forward to shake his hand. “My little sister adored you.”

“Ryelle, right?” Remus recalled. “She should be starting her auror training right about now.”

The healer bit her lip and her eyes turned cold. “She would have been, yes. She was killed in the battle of Hogwarts protecting the younger Hufflepuffs from Death Eaters.”

“I see. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.”

“Ah! Talexa!” Nymphadora snapped her fingers in recognition. 

“Yes. Auror Tonks, but I prefer Healer Siccanuchi.” 

“Funny, I remember  _ Talexa _ being a lot less coldhearted.” Tonks shot back. “And I’m sure she would have cared about her patient’s comfort level, too.” 

The healer slammed her hand down on the tray, causing a loud, resoundingly metallic, bang to jar on everyone’s ears. 

“Excuse me if I’m a little agitated.” She hissed. “Since I am the youngest healer here with the least amount of seniority, I was not allowed to refuse this case like the  _ others  _ did. I am here to do my job. I will heal him, because I swore to help those in need, but I don’t have to act  _ cheerful _ about it.”

“My partner died in that battle.” Nymphadora shot back. “And so did my best friend. She was pregnant; hadn’t even told her fiance yet.” She tilted her head up and crossed her arms across her chest. “I’ve been in charge of escorting Death Eaters to their trials and medical appointments for the last month. I’ve been left alone with them, could attack them and claim self-defense. Maybe one of them is the one who killed Danny Allsby, my junior auror partner, or Sally Knight, my best friend, or maybe they killed a seventh year Hufflepuff named Ryelle, but you know what? Doing that shite isn’t going to bring any of them back. It just taints my soul and makes  _ me  _ the monster.” She pointed at Severus angrily. “And that man was a spy, who had to watch a stupid tyrannical bastard hurt people so he could go and report it back to the rest of us. So, if you want to find the murderer here, go talk to Voldemort.”

Talexa Siccanuchi flinched heavily at The Dark Lord’s name, her voice wavering. “He killed Albus Dumbledore.”

“And I killed Lucius Malfoy, so now his son doesn’t have a father, and he’ll never get to say goodbye. The  _ dead _ don’t feel pain, the people they left behind do.”

Silence permeated the room, thick and stifling. 

Severus raised his wand. 

‘ _If torturing me will help you feel better, go ahead._ _I'm aware my sentence was too lenient_.’

The healer looked vaguely ill. “I…”

“He means that.” Remus spoke up, his tone soft. “But I am begging you not to. I don’t want to watch him be in any more pain.”

Talexa turned away from them, hand covering up to wipe at her face furiously. “I’m sorry. I don’t think there’s anything I can do for him. Diagnostics show the venom destroyed most of his larynx. I can make it so he doesn’t have any more pain swallowing, but the procedure itself wouldn’t fix his voice.”

She turned back to them with red rimmed eyes. “I wouldn’t have hurt him unnecessarily. I’d  _ never _ do that.” She insisted. “But it’s a sterile procedure, so I need you to both wear masks.”

xXx

Severus took the news about his voice calmly, but Remus didn’t know if that was because it was simmering under the surface with all the other burdens he was currently dealing with. He dropped him off at Grimmauld Place after the appointment, like he said he would, but he couldn’t quite gauge anything more from his demeanor. Tonks bid him farewell with a smile, going back to her cheerful self as if she hadn’t unloaded several harsh truths in that procedure room. 

Remus now understood why some people turned to vices to forget and numb themselves, and he felt himself age ten years in the span of an afternoon.

When he returned home that evening, there was shouting, but after the initial tension, he realized it was happy yelling. Harry and Ron were in the ground floor sitting room listening to a Quidditch game, with Sirius lounging on the couch behind them grinning lazily. When they caught sight of him, Harry immediately began giving him a play by play of the action. He grabbed some bags to help Remus unload the groceries, chattering about the game while Remus listened indulgently as they put things away. 

“I’m gonna grab some pumpkin juice for Ron and I.” Harry told him. “You want to go ask if Sev wants anything?”

Remus stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Harry as if he’d been replaced by a Dementor. 

“I can’t really call him Professor Snape, now can I?” Harry blushed a little, determined to not make eye contact. “This is my compromise, I guess.”

“You’ve been brainstorming with Sirius, haven’t you?”

Harry groaned. “Sev is not the worst by  _ far. _ ”

Remus snorted. “ I appreciate you’re being more mature about this than your  _ godfather _ , Harry.”

“Tell me about it.” Harry chuckled, and then walked back upstairs with the two glasses.

Remus found Severus in the study, which had very quickly become Severus’s brewing room once he was more mobile. He was making up for months of not being able to work on his potions, and Remus resigned himself to his small reading chair in the corner of the room near the bookshelf as his remaining space. That was where he would have curled up with a book if it weren’t for the fact that his eyes started watering as soon as he entered the study. 

‘ _ OUT.’ _

“Are you brewing-?” He winced at the pungent smell that hit his nose, choking on the aconite that hung heavily in the air.

Severus bodily pushed him out of the room and closed the door behind him before he wrote ‘ _ Wolfsbane _ ’ in the air above them. 

“It’s not… Oh, I suppose it is. Severus you don’t have to-”

He fixed him with a murderous glare that booked no room for argument. 

Remus had wanted to discuss what happened in St. Mungos, and he wondered if this was Severus’s way of avoiding the topic completely. He sighed in defeat and left him to it, sequestering himself to the ground floor library instead. 

He found an old novella and started to peruse it, getting comfortable on the sofa as he settled into the story. Only glancing up once when Harry came to deliver some supper. He didn't realize he had read right through the preparations, and apologized for not helping. Harry simply smiled and shrugged, not lingering after he left the plate of pasta on the small side table. 

Indulging in his lazy evening, Remus didn't recall when he fell asleep, only that he grew more and more comfortable. Eventually he was reading lying down, head propped up on one of the cushions. The book fell forward onto his chest naturally, and he began to doze in and out of consciousness, thinking about what he'd just read and then letting the thoughts drift back and forth. 

He was vaguely aware of someone stepping into the library, steps measured and succinct. The smell of dittany and bitter dark chocolate creating a swirl of familiar comfort settling around him. Caught in a sort of meditative state, he wondered if Severus needed something. Instead he heard the rustling of cloth, and then something warm draped across his chest and legs. The surge of affection made his heart ache, and he decided he couldn't pretend to be asleep any longer. 

Severus was stepping back, but Remus caught his hand before he got too far away. 

"I told you it would be easier to dote on me if we lived together." He whispered, voice rough with sleep. He gently tugged on his arm, indicating that he wanted him to stay. 

Severus gave him a long-suffering look, but sat down on the couch beside him instead of pulling his hand back and leaving. Remus was hit with a sudden memory of their wedding night and a vow to meet him halfway. 

"Do you feel better?" Remus questioned carefully, thumb rubbing back and forth over knobby knuckles and long fingers. 

Severus shifted beside him, eyes drawn down to their joined hands as if he had never seen such a thing before.

"It helps relax you, right?" Remus ventured. "Potions?" It felt silly that he hadn't realized it sooner; all those times when Severus had locked himself away instead of having dinner with them, or after a particularly grueling physiotherapy session. He was overwhelmed, and potions were something familiar. Something he had control over. 

Severus's expression was caught between exasperation and discomfort. 

Remus sat up and scooted himself back so he was face to face with him. "I'm sorry. About your voice." He hated how his eyes were drawn to the scar that mangled his throat, still raw and obvious despite Severus's best efforts to cover it with high collars. "I wish I had arrived sooner."

Severus shook his head with a soft snort, spelling out:  _ 'you'd be dead. _ ' 

Remus rolled his eyes, deciding the denial and subsequent debate wasn't worth it. He lifted his other hand and watched carefully for a reaction when he brought it to the part still visible above his shirt. Severus didn't flinch, but his hand twitched ever so slightly when Remus traced the skin. 

"I loved your voice." Remus admitted. "Even when it was insulting me."

Severus went still, and Remus immediately opened his mouth to bemoan his own insensitivity, but he didn't have a chance. Severus grabbed the sides of his face and pressed their mouths together, startling the werewolf into complete inaction. He floundered at the fierceness of the kiss, knocked both mentally and physically off kilter from it. He instinctively grabbed the arms holding him in place, blinking as the shock settled. His lips and teeth were bruising for several seconds before they softened and he leaned back just enough for Remus to feel the soft, shaky exhale against his mouth. 

Remus slid his hands up the back of Severus's arms to his shoulders, curling his hands around them to pull him closer and reangle his own face. The next kiss was more measured, waiting until Severus relaxed into him before he began to deepen it. He could sense the hurt there under the surface, wondering if Severus would ever fully acknowledge the losses he'd suffered. Remus didn't know how he'd feel without his voice, but he knew he missed Severus's more than he thought he would. There was something about the quiet Slytherin that felt more delicate, or less sharp. He had lost more than his voice, it was as though he lost a lot of his confidence.

Remus didn't know how to give that back to him, but he resolved to try and make him as comfortable as possible. He didn't ever want him to feel as though he was lesser than who he was before, simply different. He still felt lucky to see his face, touch him, and know his heart was beating. The same rush of arousal and gratification was there when Remus touched him, and he was suddenly faced with an eagerness that he hadn't felt since before the battle. It was even safe to say since before their wedding night. 

He licked his way into Severus's mouth, enjoying how he panted with short staccato breaths. Without leaning back he knew colour would be highlighting his cheeks and the flush would go down his chest. The desire, held under for so long due to worry, returned with a vengeance, reminding the both of them of the last evening they touched like this. 

Until Severus lurched back and started coughing weakly, hiding his face behind his hand. Tears of pain gathered at the corner of his eyes and his breaths were ragged for a different reason. 

"Fuck." He heard the wheezing sound, and then Severus was on his feet and storming out of the room. Remus took chase immediately, all pleasurable thoughts squashed under the concern that he'd hurt Severus somehow. 

Severus shoved his way into his bedroom, grabbing for the pain potion and taking several non prescribed gulps. He then took out another potion from the shelf and drank the tiny vial as well, slumping on his bed as his throat  _ burned _ . Remus carefully sat down at his side, uncertain if Severus would react badly to his touch now. 

_ 'Stupid bloody throat _ .' Severus wrote out scathingly, scowling at the words as they hovered in the air before him.  _ 'Tell me that fucking snake is dead _ .'

"Neville Longbottom killed Nagini." Remus informed him. 

Severus twisted his lip sullenly and didn't reply. 

"Did Arpina say how long the pain would last for?" 

_ 'I have one more week of regeneration potions _ .' He looked exhausted, a known side effect of the medication.  _ 'It should be fine by now. _ '

Remus nodded patiently. "Okay." He had no clue what else to say, but some form of placating would probably end up with a furious husband. 

' _ It is not okay _ .' Severus snapped the letters out of his wand hatefully. 

"I know." Remus offered him a tentative smile. "I want to be able to kiss you, too." 

Severus turned to give him an incredulous look, but the fight drained out of him when he saw Remus's face. 

"I'll be here for a long time." Remus assured him. "I can wait a little while longer to touch you."

Severus looked completely blindsided by the comment, and although he probably wanted to make some sort of defensive retort, Renus could actually see him willfully fighting it down. It was hard not to lash out first for him, but Remus felt warmed by the fact that he could see the effort to try. He leaned over and kissed him on the shoulder, deciding that he'd get him used to affection one day where he didn't immediately flinch and look unsure. 

"Did you finish brewing?"

_ 'It has to sit in moonlight for the night _ .' 

"Okay. Do you mind if I stay in here for the night?"

Quite a few emotions passed over Severus's face, but Remus held his breath and waited. Eventually Severus nodded, still looking unsteady. Remus left to get ready for bed, and when he returned Severus still seemed surprised that he was there. When they both slid under the covers, Severus immediately went on his back and stared at the ceiling, body one rigid line in clear awkward discomfort. 

Remus shifted closer and tenderly took the hand closest to him, lifting it up to place a brush of a kiss over his wrist. He settled it back down at his side and got comfortable before he closed his eyes. He could feel Severus looking at him, but eventually the fatigue of the day settled on the both of them and they fell into slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The softness continues. I'm currently on chapter (7? Not sure) and rating may go up in later chapters. I know that's why you people are here. I got your numbers.


	5. Occupation

Severus was not used to waking up beside someone. The subtle shifting on the bed roused him from his sleep multiple times through the night. He would come out of his doze with a start, acknowledging there was someone in the room with him and starting to panic before the rest of the information flooded in. Remus was here because he, well, for some reason that Severus didn't want to think too hard about. What mattered was, after the initial tension, he would actually feel a little relieved that Remus was there. He'd stare at the other man's relaxed face for a few moments and then settle again until the next time. 

Starting his day, however, was a new obstacle entirely. He was an early riser, always had been, but Remus showed no signs of waking. That meant he'd have to either crawl over him, or shuffle along the wall until he was able to get out the end of the bed. The thought of moving over top of Remus unnerved him for several frustrating reasons, and so he resigned to quietly trying to extract himself while Remus slumbered on innocently. He huffed once he was free from the bed, and the next task was to get dressed in the dimly lit room and then head downstairs for some well deserved coffee. 

One of the nice things about early mornings in Grimmauld Place was the fact that he had the whole place to himself. He could putter around the kitchens, and not have to deal with Sirius Black's annoying presence, or Harry Potter's inane chatter. It was peaceful, serene, probably the only time when he wasn't bombarded with awkwardness or discomfort. 

Which was why the sight of an exhausted Harry Potter, clearly awake for several hours and slumped over his lukewarm cup of tea, was unwelcome. He knew that look, seen it enough times on his own face to recognize it. It was the haunted dreams and heavy conscience persona. He could hear the annoyingly self righteous nagging of Albus in his ear, or maybe even Lily, telling him to stop being so selfish. 

He made his coffee loudly, praying that Potter would get the hint and skitter away. Either that, or it would alert him to someone else's presence. This way, when Severus sat down across from him with his coffee in hand, it wouldn't cause him to relive some sort of trauma and start firing spells half-asleep. 

Severus took a long, fortifying sip of his scalding hot coffee and then fixed the young boy with an expectant look. He wasn't about to probe him for a heart to heart, but he clearly had something to get off his chest. If anything, Severus was a captive audience. 

"It's…" Harry squinted at the clock on the wall and then rubbed his tired eyes behind his glasses. "Six am already?"

Severus took a pointed sip of his coffee, as if to say 'no fucking shit, why else do you think I'm here? To listen to your scintillating observations?' 

"Bloody hell." Harry groaned and ran his hands through the rats nest he called hair. Severus knew if James Potter were still alive he'd have forced Harry to style it into perfect curls, the arrogant prat. "I hate this."

Severus silently agreed, but for different reasons altogether. He tapped the table twice, drawing Harry's attention back to him. He made an impatient gesture, hoping it would convey that Harry either spill his guts or leave Severus in peace. He didn't have all day. 

"I can't sleep." Harry sounded like Severus was forcing it out of him, which was laughable, but he didn't interrupt. "When I do I wake up back in the forest and it's worse. He wins. Everyone is dead. I can't stop him."

Severus quirked a brow.

"I  _ know _ it's not real." Harry added hotly. "I just… I can't calm down. I feel like I've been in danger for so long I don't know how to come down off it. Like he's there around the corner, trying to kill me again. Or get someone else to kill me." 

The potions master took another sip of his coffee.

"And it's not that I don't know I'm safe here. I mean Sirius and Remus and you are all here. It just…" he looked down into his tea forlornly. "Then I start thinking about how I am putting you all in danger just being near you. What if one of you gets hurt because of me?"

Severus waited until Harry looked at him before he pointed at his throat condescendingly. 

"I know that wasn't my fault." Harry growled. "But what if you died because some death eater wanted to come finish the job? You and Remus just found each other again."

Annoyed at the implication, he pulled his wand from his robe pocket and wrote furiously. 'I am mute, not useless. I can still out-hex you even without my voice. Especially since you seem to only know the same two spells and survive on sheer dumb luck the rest of the time.'

And in order to demonstrate, he leaned forward and tapped Harry's mug with his wand, renewing it to a hot state without needing to even move his lips. 

"Now you're just showing off." Harry grumbled, but took a gulp anyways. 

'Have you tried sleeping potions?'

"No… I was told they are addictive."

'So is madness. Which you will get if you do not sleep.'

"I can't remain on potions for the rest of my life." Harry replied testily. 

'Then perhaps you'd better find someone to help you before you start to spiral.'

"And who is bloody well supposed to help me?" Harry slammed his hand down on the table angrily, green eyes alight with fury. 

Severus rolled his eyes, already tired of this tirade. 'Contrary to what Albus ingrained in you, you are not some untouchable savior anymore. Now you're a scarred teenager, and that means you're just like the rest of the world. You get help, turn to vices, or pretend you're fine until you snap.'

"So which one did you pick?" Harry shot at him snarkily. 

Severus finished the last of his coffee. 'I'm still waiting to snap.'

Harry's frustration broke into laughter, and he snorted loudly around the near hysterical peals of laughter. 

"Harry?" Remus's footsteps were already coming down the stairs, drawn to the sounds. When his head peeked into the kitchen, he looked hesitantly between the two of them. "Is everything alright?"

"Well. I guess I can't pretend I'm fine. I wouldn't want to follow in Sev's footsteps. We all know how well  _ that _ turned out."

Severus needed more coffee for this. 

It turned out his two cups of coffee would serve him well. After a breakfast that Remus cooked up, (did the bloody house elf go on vacation or something?) the kitchen floo alerted them that someone was trying to visit the house. Minerva Mcgonagall barely needed a greeting before they allowed her through. Severus shot multiple spells at Harry before she couldn't see his bedraggled appearance. Harry threw an annoyed glower his way, but didn't comment. 

"Ah, just the men I wanted to see." Minerva sat down at the kitchen table primly while Remus and Harry jumped up simultaneously to serve her tea. Her eyes softened when she looked at Severus. "I'm glad to see you're doing better."

'Yes. It helps when you have a live-in mediwizard.' He threw a sarcastic nod over his shoulder, where Remus was occupied cleaning impulsively. 

"I suppose it does." She cleared her throat softly and reached over to tap his left hand where it was curled around his coffee mug. "Congratulations." 

Severus hadn't forgotten the ring, per se, as he nearly obsessed over it most nights while he lay in bed and ruminated. It was simply that no one else had come by the house who was as perceptive as Minerva. It made him self conscious in a weird way, not that she knew, but that he still hadn't found anything to reciprocate the gesture. He had yet to venture out into the public eye, wary even with a glamour that he couldn't use his voice. He considered going into the muggle jewelers, but decided against it in the end. He wanted a wizarding ring, something traditionally helpful. He was happy his ring wasn't gaudy, but he could still feel the protection spell and had yet to work up the courage to ask the story behind it.

Remus placed the cup in front of Minerva, Harry following behind with biscuits, neither of them any the wiser to the topic of conversation. They sat down and Minerva took a gracious sip before she stepped her fingers and addressed the three of them. 

"I thought it was prudent to offer you back your positions, gentlemen." She addressed both Remus and Severus, who had two very different reactions to the news. 

"Our positions?" Remus prompted, looking star struck. "As in teaching positions?" 

"Yes. I plan to open Hogwarts in a month's time. We are working on the repairs, but students will still need their education." She looked pointedly at Harry, and then back to Remus. "I will need a Defence teacher, and I would be remiss if I didn't offer Severus his old job back. Although at this point it is a formality."

Severus scowled. 'Absolutely not. I have been a glorified babysitter for long enough.'

Remus looked contrite, like he shouldn't have seemed so excited when clearly Severus wasn't keen on it at all. They hadn't discussed the future, and he didn't want to make a commitment to Minerva when he technically had already made one to his husband. 

"A pity." Minerva gave him a secretive smile over the rim of her cup. "It would have been amusing, if anything."

Severus scoffed, mind following her wavelength seamlessly. 'Yes, the charming one and the miserable one. A riot, I'm sure.' He didn't look upset at all when he tacked on: 'You will simply have to make due with one Professor Lupin this year.'

Harry, who up until this point hadn't followed at all, suddenly let out a snigger. "Oh! I get it." He relaxed back into his chair and then gave Remus a comforting smile. "I guess that means we'll have no need for a D.A. this year, with a competent teacher…"

Remus blinked at the three of them. "Well I don't know if it's feasible to teach this year." He gave Severus a significant look, but the potions master furrowed his brow in impatient confusion. 

'What else would you be doing? You love teaching for some ungodly reason. I'm not planning to almost die again.'

"Ah, but…" He floundered for an explanation, unsure if things were really quite so simple. 

"I will need a head of house as well." Minerva cut in smoothly. "You would be doing me a great favor, Remus. As such, I am perfectly happy to have you disappear for the evenings or have your spouse live with you at the castle as needed. You simply need to set some office hours and be available if there are any emergencies in Gryffindor. Which hopefully there won't be, since Mr. Potter will have  _ no _ reason  _ not _ to behave himself this year." She stared Harry down. "Yes?"

Harry gulped. "Er, sure?"

Remus felt torn. It was obvious that he wanted the position, and everyone seemed fine with it, but there were a lot more variables to consider. First and foremost, they were newly married, and they still had no idea where they were going to stay or what Severus was going to do. Remus would be busy almost every day until after dinner and was that really fair to his spouse? Did Severus want him gone so he had time to himself? They hadn't exactly worked out the logistics to this-

'I'll expect payment for any potions required, of course.' Severus was saying. 'You'll be needing wolfsbane supplied, and I'm sure Poppy will have a list for the replenishing of her stock.'

Minerva pursed her lips but nodded. "Alright, but in return I may need you to teach after full moons."

Harry snorted. "Well it will still be Professor Lupin teaching Defence…"

'Yes, Harry, we get it.' Severus sneered at him. 'We already had that laugh. Do keep up.'

"You always wanted to teach Defence, Severus. This is a happy compromise." Minerva smiled at him smugly. 

'I don't want to teach at all.' He countered, and then narrowed his eyes at her. 'Part time wages, my own brewing lab, and I am not head of Slytherin.'

"Severus, honestly!" She frowned at him. "You'll be living there anyways. If I'm paying you for a position you'll have once a month-"

'-And potions-'

"Which we won't need  _ often _ , the least you can do is be head of house."

'You cannot pay me enough to deal with those hormone-ridden gremlins.'

"Full time wages and head of house. Final offer."

He glared at her. 'I despise you.'

"Oh. Please. We both know you don't." She waved off his insult. 

'Fine.' They could all see the curt way he wrote the word, face pulled into a scowl. 'But I am not doing Hogsmeade chaperoning.'

"You will do it the weekends Remus is assigned." Minerva shot back succinctly. 

Severus looked ready to lunge across the table at her.

"Sev, I don't think you're winning this one." Sirius announced his presence with a yawn. "Hey Minnie!"

Minerva promptly ignored the infantilization of her name, still staring Severus down. 

The potions master sat back in his chair, and even though they all knew he'd lost, he still needed to look like he had the upper hand. 'Draft me a contract. I'll review it.' 

"Expect it later this week. Both of yours." She added on to Remus, who had watched the interaction with a sort of bewildered wonder. 

Minerva finally gave Sirius the time of day. "Hello, Mr. Black. I assume you are keeping yourself busy?"

"Always." He smiled at her charmingly. 

"I must admit. I am surprised you are still cohabiting. Then again, with the two of them teaching I suppose they won't have need of the other house." She addressed Severus. "Have you spoken to the solicitor yet?"

'You know.' Severus clenched his jaw nervously. 

Her voice gentled. "Of course. He told me he would."

"Wait, wait, wait. What other house? Snape- oh fuck, oh shit sorry Minnie- Sev, you have a HOUSE? I thought you said you sold everything and put it in storage!"

'I have potions to brew.' Severus stood up decidedly, growing uncomfortable with the attention on what Albus had done for him. Minerva was apologetic, and derailed any other comments Sirius could have made by asking him about his job prospects. 

Renus followed, if only for his own peace of mind, and stopped his spouse before he could disappear into the study for the remainder of the day. 

"Are you really okay with me teaching?" He risked pushing things too out of his comfort zone by grabbing his shoulders and stepping closer. "If you don't want to go back there, you don't have to do this for me."

Severus remained still, moving to reply and then stopping himself. Eventually he carefully wrote his answer the words small and glowing between them. 

'You want to. Don't lie.'

"I don't want to if it will make you miserable." He insisted. 

Severus huffed. 'I will not be miserable.'

"But, you'd tell me." Remus urged. "If you were. You wouldn't let it fester. You would tell me right away, wouldn't you?" He had no clue where the sudden anxiety came from, but once the words were out there, he desperately needed the answer. "I don't want this to come between us. I need you to be honest with me."

Severus gave him a searching look. 'I have no qualms telling you off.' 

"Good." He wound his arms around him slowly, waiting to see if he would stiffen up and extract himself in a snit. The lack of space between them allowed Remus to press their foreheads together, but it also negated the ability for Severus to respond. It was a precarious balance; trying to satisfy his need to have the man he loved close, but also not smother him. 

It was difficult, being so unsure of everything between them. There was a very real part of both of them waiting for the fragile truce to break. Remus would push too far and Severus would throw his walls up again. It was a dance they had been waltzing to since the first day of Remus's return to Hogwarts four years ago. The cycle had broken, but that didn't mean they couldn't fall back into familiar habits. 

"We need to talk and I don't know where to start." Remus admitted. "I am terrified of you."

"Why?" Severus breathed, voice crackling around the word.

"That you'll shut me out." 

This would be the moment that someone who wasn't emotionally stunted pulled out a perfect remark to soothe his worries. Instead Severus leaned back enough to quickly write out one simple word. 

'Ask.'

Remus pulled him into the ground floor study where they spoke the previous evening. Sitting on the couch face to face, it was unnerving. Remus was willing to admit he had shied away from the conversations, scared of what the answers would be. Now it felt too important to ignore, but he still floundered with how to start. From what he gathered, Severus was willing to answer his questions, so he started with the most pressing. 

"If you didn't think you were going to die. Would you have said yes to me? Eventually?"

Severus closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. Considering the question while Remus waited with his heart aching. 

'I don't know. I-' He paused here and then forced himself onwards. '-I wanted to.'

"Okay." That was enough of an answer for him. "Do you have a question for me?"

'Was it a joke?' 

Remus's eyes widened. "Asking you to marry me? No. Never."

Severus side-eyed him. 'All of them?'

"I meant every one." Remus looked ready to defend that statement to his grave, so Severus relented and put his hands up in a silent surrender. 

"What do you want from this marriage?" Remus's tone was vulnerable. 

'Explain.' The question seemed all encompassing, and he was a little bit out of his depth trying to respond to it. 

"Soulmate doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. When I thought about it, it was someone who loved me despite my flaws. Who would be my best friend. That sort of thing." 

'You want me to view you as a friend.' 

Something inside of him relaxed. "Yes."

'I don't have sex with my friends.'

Remus leaned forward and kissed him firmly, trying to settle the war between exasperation and amusement. "Smartarse." 

'I… will try.' 

"I suppose that's all I can ask."

'Were you disappointed when you realized we were soulmates?'

Remus thought about the question carefully. "I was, but only because I knew you hated me. Not because of who you were. I always thought you were clever."

They lapsed into a strained silence, both wondering if that was enough, or if there were still barbed wire fences between them. There were so many things to talk about, but it felt like one wrong move would cut them open.

"Are you afraid of me?" 

'Yes.'

Remus jerked back, a bolt of pain like a knife cutting through him. Still he asked the question, and he didn't want him to lie, what did he expect? A werewolf wasn't exactly something that people looked for in a spouse. 

"What can I do to make that better?" He pressed, mind already racing with ideas. Did he ask someone else to make wolfsbane? Keep separate the day before and subsequent recovery until he was back to normal so Severus could pretend it didn't exist? Would it become something they never spoke about, like the dirty secret it was? 

'I will get used to it.' Severus responded dismissively, but Remus could see the tension around his mouth and how his eyes didn't quite meet Remus's 

"I will take every precaution to not inflict my illness upon you. I would never be able to forgive myself if-"

Severus covered Remus's mouth with his hand, lips pulled into a ferocious snarl. 

'I am not talking about lycanthropy, you idiot. You -this- scares me. It's a weak point. I never allowed those.'

Before you was heavily implied. 

"Oh." Remus was muffled behind the palm of his hand, feeling sheepish. 

Severus dropped his arm and sighed, but it came out as more of a wheeze. 'I will need you to come with me to the solicitor's.'

"Of course." He agreed immediately. 

Severus closed his eyes tightly, everything about him strung tight as a bow. This was difficult for him, Remus could see that as clear as day, and he wished there was a way to alleviate that. In a way, Remus felt like he should be able to understand the hesitance. There was a time when Remus thought himself too much of a beast to be loved, and yet one small moment erased all that heartache. He looked at Severus that day when Harry was abducted by Barty Crouch Jr, and the want outweighed the fear. 

He reached over and curled his hand around the knuckles clenched tight against Severus's leg. Little by little, the hand beneath his relaxed, and cautiously tilted upwards. It wasn't a full invitation, more like a curious concede. Remus let his hand rest there, the fingers falling naturally into the dip of Severus's palm. 

"It's terrifying. Isn't it?" Remus asked thoughtfully, both of their gazes resting on their joined hands. "Putting your heart in someone else's hand? The stories all make it sound so easy."

His heart felt so full it ached; like it always did with these little moments. It was the knife's edge of too much, making him edgy and uncertain. Severus hated this feeling, because he always associated it with a lack of control. Remus made him feel like this all the damn time; too kind where he was prickly, and too patient where he was impulsive. Soulmates were something he would never understand, and ruminating would turn a sane man mad, but he wondered if this was why. Their faults were matched. Not their strengths. It was easy to love someone for their strengths, but to love someone despite their flaws was a powerful feat. 

He made Remus speak his mind, and Remus made him pause. 

He didn't know what to do with this revelation, just like he didn't know what to do with their hands. It was new, uncharted, and frankly unnerving. He wanted many different things in that moment, but most of them were conflicting. He wished there was some sort of script for him to follow.

"I am excited to go back to Hogwarts." Remus admitted, thumb idly rubbing across the skin it could reach on Severus's hand comfortably. "But it will be different for you." He acknowledged. "So, just tell me if it's too much. I guess that's all I can ask."

'I will.'

Remus looked surprised that he responded at all. He was rewarded with a curl of his lip, the same smile that caught his attention back when they were just two students sitting across the table at each other. 

When Remus leaned in, it was for a gentle kiss. A simple impulse, with nothing behind it but the want to show sweet affection. It was hard for Severus to accept; that there was nothing for him to do in return. Lust he could handle, anger was his forte. This? It was like learning a new language, but one that he vaguely recalled in flashes from his youth. 

"Was there anything you wanted to do today?" Remus redirected smoothly, far too clever at reading people. 

'Yes. There is.'

xXx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I finished chapter seven and thought, hey, why not upload? I am thinking that there's a bit more I want to do with this fic, but I am content to leave it at chapter seven and finish it for now. 
> 
> And yes, there is going to be an M rating (E? I am never sure what to consider a fic where there's only one sex scene...)
> 
> This chapter was just a lot of talking and dicussing their futures. I just... I love Minerva. Also can I get a holla for Severus being supportive in his own snarky way towards Harry? 
> 
> As always thank you for taking this journey with me. See you soon for the rest!


	6. Symbol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I was hoping the last chapter got at least one review! But alas. Nothing. So I am just gonna keep uploading ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Myrrdin's Town was the same and yet forever changed in the aftermath of the war. Severus saw it the moment he and Remus arrived in the floo at the local tavern. It was subtle to someone who didn't spend much time there, but the barkeep that was working was not the regular. His sister, still dressed in mourning noir, took over when he died standing up to two death eaters. In the town square, there was a pile of flowers and tributes to those that lost their lives, and people were still laying blooms at its base. The town wasn't destroyed, but there was a somber atmosphere. 

Severus felt wrong in a way that he used to be safe from in Myrrdin's Town. He was nothing here; a potioneer who came to Morgana's Robes and restocked his shelves at the Lady Lake’s Apothecary. He wasn’t the miserable Potion’s Professor, or the Morally Grey Death Eater. To protect that, he always wore the same spell, a variant of the notice-me-not that made him seem just a little bit different than his natural image. Now his newfound notoriety made that nearly impossible. People were stopping to stare and second guess themselves, and no manner of ducking down and steering closer to Remus would negate that. He hated the effort it took to completely change his appearance, but it seemed he would have to start.    
  


Remus noticed his anxiety and stayed a little closer than necessary. Thankfully the papers didn't explicitly state what illness he was still recovering from, and so his voicelessness wouldn't immediately give him away. They were able to do some shopping at the grocer and then Severus braved the apothecary. The teller was, thankfully, not the full time old witch who argued with Severus on price good naturedly. It was her disinterested grandson, who attended Drumstrang thanks to his family's history. Severus didn't know what he would do if the people who kindly spoke to him as Mr. Prince now gazed upon him with scorn. He probably would never return. 

'I need parchment.' Severus gave Remus a pointed look towards the bookshop. 'I will meet you at Morgana's after.'

Remus looked like he wanted to ask if Severus was sure, but then decided against it. Remus knew he was being sent away for a reason, but he could only guess it was so Severus could brave Valerie Snow on his own. He was rather fond of the seamstress, and there was no way she wouldn't recognize him from his wanted poster that would have been plastered all over Britain during the war. 

Instead of Morgana's, Severus drifted to the jeweler's, where an eager young wix manned the cases, waiting to be called upon for their help. Severus didn't want their attention, and so he kept his head down. He eyed the wedding bands with trepidation, unsure what the difference was between one and the next, but unwilling to ask for assistance. 

"Mr. Prince?" 

The voice was soft and unsure, but he knew it well. Valerie had just entered, clearly there because she had seen him from afar. When he turned to the sound of his moniker, she broke out into a relieved smile. 

"Oh, it is you, I was so terribly worried." She placed a hand over her heart, mouth pulled into a saddened frown. "I hadn't seen you since before the war, I thought…"

He narrowed his eyes at her, but she didn't acknowledge the truth at all.

'You know who I am.' He wrote quickly, dispelling it before the nosy witch over his shoulder could read. 

Valerie's voice dropped lower as she stepped up beside him to pretend to look at the same display. "I knew who you were for a long time." 

'Name?' The floating blue letters were written onto the glass, as if with an erasable glass ink. 

"I knew there was a reason why you didn't use your legal name. A lot of people like to forget their old selves." Valerie side eyed him. "It's not in my nature to judge."

He shifted awkwardly. 'I was a wanted man.'

"And I knew there was an explanation. I told you I am a good judge of character. I was right." She smiled proudly, and then it faltered. "What happened to your voice?"

'Gone. War.' 

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry. It was lovely."

He raised a brow at her in clear disbelief. 

"Hey Val, can I help you with anything?" The wix, their name tag reading 'Sky', stepped in front of them eagerly. Blue eyes turned wary when they realized who was beside her.

"Mr. Prince was looking for a ring." She announced cheerfully, and then turned to Severus. "Weren't you?"

He straightened his spine, refusing to back down now. 'Yes. Wedding band. Durable.'

With Valerie's encouraging presence, the clerk was more than willing to delve into the intricacies of their work. Eventually they settled on a plain cobalt band that would magically expand and contract as needed. The magic on it would heat if the wearer was a target of a spell, which would be helpful. 

"So…" Valerie waited until they were outside before she commented. "Congratulations." 

He sniffed derisively. 'My thanks.'

She lasted three steps. 

"Who is it? How did you meet? When is the wedding? Do I know them? Are you going to legally change your name?"

Severus ignored her and quickened his steps, thankful to turn the corner and see Remus waiting for him patiently outside the robe shop. 

"Oh! Hello!" Valerie greeted him sweetly, temporarily distracted, unaware that was waiting there for Severus, and not a returning customer. "I'm sorry I had a quick errand to run." She tore down the hastily scribbled 'Be back soon' note and unlocked the door with a wave of her wand. "Did your nephew like the bag? Or was it your son? Sorry you never said."

"Ah, nephew, of sorts." Remus replied politely. "He enjoyed it. Said it came in handy." 

"Wonderful! I'm so glad! Were you looking for something this time?" She held the door open for the both of them, giving Severus a look that indicated he wasn't off the hook. 

"Ah, no-"

'Yes.'

"Severus…"

"Oh! OH! Is this him?!" She practically vibrated in excitement. 

'Enjoy. He hasn't updated his wardrobe in - _ years- _ .'

Remus felt both exasperated and embarrassed. "I really don't need anything." 

"NONSENSE! Oh you're just lovely! He's just  _ lovely _ ." Valerie had her hands to both of her cheeks, like she was visibly swooning despite the fact that Severus had already rolled his eyes and wandered off. 

"I'm so sorry I've forgotten your name!" Valerie looked heartbroken as she looped her arm with Remus’s and started dragging him over to the suits section. 

"Remus Lupin." 

"Oh, Lupin, that's a beautiful name." 

"Um, thank you?"

"What do you think of marriage, Mr. Lupin?" She looked gleeful, like there was a secret she was just barely keeping to herself. 

Remus smiled awkwardly. "Oh, I, er, just recently got married. I just don't have my wedding band picked out yet-"

"Excuse me." 

She dropped his arm abruptly and stormed over to the robes section. 

"YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED?"

Remus wandered over, if only to ensure that there wasn't any actual trouble. 

'You are nosy.'

"It's not every day my favourite customer gets married! Oh! I'll have to call you Mr. Lupin now! You chose a darling last name to marry into!"

Severus shot Remus a glance over her head, bemused. 'It was a decent reason to marry him, yes.'

She made an inhumane noise. "New robes! And a new cloak! For a massive discount. Newlyweds special. You are taking that silver cloak, Mr. Prince-Lupin! and I won't take no for an answer. And you! Red! Yes! You would look dashing in red. Yes. Come with me!"

xXx

The house wasn’t anything special, just a small two bedroom with a study, one and a half bath, and lots of acreage. It was a fifteen minute walk from the nearest magical village in Scotland called Tam Lin’s Grove, and there were heavy anti-muggle charms around the property. Despite the extraordinary man who once owned the home, it was rather plain inside. Beige walls, simple appliances, and plush furniture. 

Severus felt his insides twist as he stepped inside, taking in the decor with growing apprehension. He didn’t know what he expected to find there, but the lack of personal touch was almost gutting.

Remus stepped in behind the solicitor, Lyra Perberry, and closed the door behind them. “Did…” He paused, confusion twisting his features. “Did you change anything? Put things in storage?”

“No, this is the way the house has been since it was left to your husband.” She didn’t dare utter the words ‘since Albus died’, as when she offered her sincere condolences earlier, it was met with a stone cold glare on Severus’s part. Lyra was completely ignorant to the sort of man that Albus was, and only knew him as the Headmaster of Hogwarts, a kindly old man who constantly offered people sweets. She did her schooling in America, which was probably why Albus chose her; someone who was impartial. 

‘He did this.’ Severus left the words as he walked further into the house, stepping into the open-concept kitchen with a permanent scowl etched onto his face. 

“You think he renovated just before…?” Lyra took another critical look around and then softly hummed.

“There’s no personal artifacts.” Remus murmured lowly, an observation he didn’t want to burden Severus with. “It’s like a show home.”

Lyra stood awkwardly by the door, watching Severus move about the room warily. She was probably a few years older than they were, but she was a sweet, demure thing. Her softness made her appear much younger, and she began to focus on interacting with Remus with clear gratitude that he was there. 

“There’s a basement. Through this door here.” She gestured to the door that bisected the wall directly across from them, going from the front to the back of the house. “So kitchen to our left, living room.” She waved at the couches, continuing past the door to the basement and down the hallway despite Severus still inspecting the kitchen. Remus followed along dutifully behind her. 

“Behind the staircase on the left here is the bathroom, and then the study at the end. To your right here are the two bedrooms. They’re both the same size so you can pick which one you’d like-”

The creak of a door caught their attention, Severus had descended down the stairs into the basement. 

“Poor dear, he’s not coping well, is he?” She looked at Remus with concerned eyes.

He glanced down the hallway back towards the basement door with a sigh. “I think he’s doing the best he can.” 

“Did you want to see the study?” She indicated to the last room on the left. “Or the back yard?” At the end of the hallway was the back door that led outside to a modest garden and lawn. 

They decided to observe the perfectly cultivated garden, with several intricate growing charms that kept the different herbs and plants alive despite the need for different temperatures. Remus catalogued the collection, noticing that a lot of them were common potion ingredients. The smell of dittany was always easy to pick out, and he followed the path along until he stopped dead in his tracks. There, sectioned off in the far corner of the plot, were the purple blossoms of aconite. 

Severus threw the back door open so fiercely it cracked the glass, causing Lyra to jump and gasp loudly at the sound. He stormed down the path to them looking like he was on a murderous mission, and then grabbed Remus’s hand and turned to the solicitor to quickly inform her they were going home. Now. She reeled at the anger in his expression, but Remus had a sinking suspicion that he’d found something downstairs that he didn’t like. Instead of arguing the point, he let Severus aparate them back to Grimmauld Place. 

“Oi, how’s the house that you  _ could be living at _ -” Sirius looked up from the sitting room couch where he’d been reading and cut himself off as Severus tore out of the room in a snit. “What? Not enough coffins and cobwebs for his liking?”

“Albus staged the house.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Staged it? How?” Sirius sat up. 

“There was nothing left of his. No personal belongings.” Remus crossed his arms across his chest, eyes still watching the door that Severus left through. “He made the house up like…”

“Like he didn’t even live there?” Sirius finished for him curiously. 

“No… Like he expected Severus to move in immediately after.” Remus couldn’t imagine how he must be feeling. “There is a garden in the backyard. All the most common plants and herbs for potion making.”

“Shite.” Sirius grunted sympathetically. “That’s rough.” 

“I should go see if he’s okay.” Remus offered Sirius a weary smile. “I’m starting to see that Albus had a very awkward way of showing real affection.”

“Well it’s not every day you leave your house to your murderer.” Sirius offered wryly. “But yeah, I’ll wait until after he’s done throwing his fit to send Kreacher up to clean the mess…”

Remus ascended the steps to their floor, and headed for the study first. He half expected to find Severus already in the middle of a potion, but instead the place was empty. He hesitated outside his bedroom door, knocking gently despite the fact that the door was slightly ajar. He heard shifting inside and then the door opened with a swish of magic, revealing Severus sitting on the side of his bed, lips pursed. 

Before Remus could even cross the room, he was already explaining in blunt, succinct, words. ‘Potions lab.’

“The basement?” Remus sat down beside him, careful to give him space. 

‘Brand new.’ Severus’s lips curled into a hateful sneer. 

“It’s not what you expected, is it?” Remus wasn’t asking to know the answer, he was trying to give him an opportunity to express himself and why he was so furious. He already understood partially why it was so hard for Severus to process; he expected to go to Albus Dumbledore’s house to see his things, mourn him a little, and try to understand him. Instead he was reminded that Albus spent the weeks leading up to his death making a comfortable home for the next owner. 

‘I hate him.’

Remus didn’t say anything to that, knowing it didn’t require a response, and nodded to acknowledge the statement. The relationship between Albus and Severus was multifaceted and complicated, and he had barely scratched the surface of it while he saw them interact at Hogwarts. It was hard to watch Severus hurt like this, but he was also relieved he felt safe enough to process it with Remus in his presence. 

There was a tapping on the bedroom window, and Severus was on his feet in an instant. The owl was a sooty colour, all dark greys mixed together, and it flew gracefully inside and landed on the footboard. On it’s leg were two letters, and it held its claw out for Severus expectantly. He watched it with a guarded look, and then relented when the owl seemed content to simply stare him down with wizened patience. He unattached the letters, but instead of flying out the window, it simply stayed there and began to preen itself. 

“What a beautiful bird.” Remus admired the Barred Owl appreciatively. 

‘Ariadne.’ Severus wrote, and then dropped his wand onto the bed and opened the letter. 

“You know her?” Remus stood up to run the back of his fingers along her chest feathers. He turned back to look at Severus expectantly, but found him reading instead. 

Eventually Severus walked over and handed the letters to him without explanation, and frowned at the bird in question. The letter was from Lyra, who once again expressed her condolences and excused Severus’s behaviour as a reaction of grief far too graciously. She informed them that there was more to be discussed, but if they preferred they could do the rest via correspondence, or pick another date to meet in her office. It was clear she wasn’t keen on seeing them face to face, and Remus couldn’t blame her. 

The second letter was brief, in a handwriting that Remus recognized but couldn’t place. It simply stated that Ariadne was now Severus’s, left to him by her previous owner. 

“She was Albus’s?” Remus looked up from the letter. 

Severus nodded tersely, and then Ariadne fluttered her wings and launched herself at him, forcing Severus to lift his arm in self defence. Instead of attacking, her claws closed around his arm in a firm, but not digging, grip, and she settled there. She leaned forward and clicked her tongue, the dark abyss of her eyes gauging him. If Remus could liken it to anything, it was as though she was telling him he’d better get used to it and accept her. 

The fight drained out of his shoulders, and Ariadne hooted in triumph. She fluttered her wings and nuzzled his hair before taking flight again and landing on the back of the desk chair. She proceeded to get comfortable and go back to preening herself absently. 

“She’s a feisty one.” Remus commented, amused. 

Severus didn't see fit to respond, he simply stared at the bird with a lost expression on his face. Remus walked over to him and grazed his arm with his fingertips. Severus closed his eyes and put his hand over top of Remus's, just holding it against his arm. It was brief, but Remus felt a warmth bloom in his chest that Severus accepted his touch and reciprocated it in his own way. 

He wanted to step behind him and wrap his arms around his middle, holding Severus close and burying his face against his neck. It was hard to resist the temptation sometimes, even if the need for contact wasn't sexual in nature, it was still more intrusive than Severus was used to. Remus thought it was amusing sometimes, that they were both so starved for affection, but whereas Remus craved touch constantly now, Severus had grown uncomfortable with it. He had to relearn that it was okay to let his guard down, and that the strangeness would eventually melt into contentment. 

'My throat no longer causes me pain.' Severus informed him, still not quite meeting his gaze. 'It is as healed as it will ever be.' 

Remus felt a wave of relief, smiling at the news. They had worried it would take longer than the prescribed amount of potions to gain normalcy. Severus was now using the floo directly into Arpina's waiting room once a week, but she was hopeful to discharge him from her care soon since his wounds were healing nicely. Despite initial reluctance, Healer Siccanuchi was thorough with her work, and sent away for another opinion without their asking. They would see another healer in Japan about his voice in a month, even though they knew it would amount to nothing. That meant Severus would finally be finished with his medical appointments just in time for the school year. 

Of course it also meant they would be starting another chapter of their lives again. 

"I'm glad." He squeezed his shoulder supportively, fighting down the urge to kiss him in celebration. Surely he was reaching his tolerance for Remus's affection by now. Severus gave him a searching look over his shoulder and Remus tried to give him a reassuring one in return. 

"We should go get you some supplies." Remus ventured, nodding towards Ariadne. "If we hurry we can catch the shops before they close."

'I would rather stay here.' 

Remus felt an inkling that something was off about that, but he likened it to his husband asking for time to recharge. He nodded in understanding and then clicked his tongue for the owl, who flew over to him obediently. "I'll go then, you rest." 

He didn't see Severus give him an incredulous look as he left the room, too engrossed in cooing at the bird perched on his arm. 

xXx

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valerie is just so happy for them. 
> 
> And Albus, you just... You tried... 
> 
> Severus looking at his dumbass husband like 'You want a fucking written invitation?'


	7. Inevitable

Remus wasn't surprised that Harry wandered around muggle London, far too agitated with all the attention to keep to the wizarding world. Yet, never in a million years did he expect Harry to come home with a flyer that boasted beginner's sign language courses. Harry handed it to him with a nervous sort of energy, and then offered that he would like to learn as well. Remus didn't know if it was something like a new hobby for him, or if he sincerely wanted to do this for Severus's sake. Either way, he was touched by the gesture. 

Severus was a little less excited by the prospect, but he stared at the page for a long time in contemplation before he answered Remus's hopeful gaze. 

'I haven't been to Muggle London in some time.' He admitted, and although he didn't flat out refuse stubbornly, Remus could tell he was intensely uncomfortable.

"I could go and then teach you?" Remus offered. "There are books as well. I don't see it taking too long to grasp the basics. It will just be vocabulary afterwards." 

Severus huffed, embarrassed that Remus would offer such a thing, as if Severus was  _ scared _ to attend. 'I am sure I can manage.'

"We are going this Tuesday. We only have until next week before we are due to arrive at Hogwarts."

'We?' Severus parroted warily. 

"Harry and I." Remus couldn't help but grin at his scowl. 

It turned out that it was not just 'Harry and I' that decided to attend these lessons. Once they caught wind of the idea, Hermione and Ron insisted they join them. Ron was thrilled with the idea of a secret sort of language, and Hermione was always looking to further her knowledge. She thought it was a good skill to have, and honestly, she should have thought of this sooner. Then, to fray his poor nerves even further, who but  _ Minerva McGonagall _ decided to insert herself into the outing. 

Severus had clothing that would easily pass in the muggle world, and was prone to layering by habit. He could admit he missed his robes and cloaks, but it was warm enough to wear simple black slacks and one of the new button up shirts that Valerie Snow had foisted onto him aggressively. For some odd reason she was obsessed with dressing him in silver, and had been since he met her a few years previous. This particular shirt reminded him of unicorn blood, a shimmery silver that had a violet or indigo hue to it depending on the light. 

Remus wore a simple beige shirt with a well fitting maroon vest over top, which Valerie also insisted upon. He was the one out of all of the adults that was used to such casual muggle dress, but to see Minerva show up to Grimmauld Place in such a simple dark green skirt and black blouse was bizarre. 

Sirius blinked incredulously at the lot of them as they assembled by the door. "Well if this isn't a quaint family outing."

"You can come with us." Remus reminded him cheerfully and ignored the twin glares from Severus and Sirius. 

"Nah. I have plans." Sirius waved him off and then turned on his heel and disappeared further into the house. 

Severus hated how horrifying it was to enter the community building followed by an entourage. Remus was one thing, and he may have been able to stomach Potter, but the others made his skin itch. He was surly for the entire introduction part, feeling like his wings were clipped without the use of his wand to spell out his thoughts. Remus quickly explained that there was an injury but didn't offer any more explanation than that, for which his spouse was grateful.

They spent the bulk of the lesson learning the alphabet, and then spelling out words. Whereas Remus was a natural, Severus was slow and methodical. The last little bit was for basic phrases, but they didn't get to as many as they'd like. Severus was already frustrated and overwhelmed, and so he vowed to himself that he would learn the rest on his own. Meanwhile the others were all very motivated to come back as often as they could, which also unnerved him for some reason he couldn't explain. 

xXx

Ariadne was yet another strange addition to their ever-growing household. Every time he turned around someone else was asking if they could borrow her, and he was tempted to just give her to Potter or Remus. Severus couldn’t go anywhere without tripping over someone, and if Harry asked him ‘how are you’ in handspeak one more time he would be forced to look up the gesture for ‘fuck off’. The idea of leaving to return to Hogwarts was a relief just for the simple fact that he wouldn’t have to refrain from hexing Sirius Black at least once a day. 

He knew that he should be more nervous about going back, especially considering he had yet to return since Albus died. Thankfully, the full moon kept him occupied and Remus was able to recover a few days before they were due to leave. They would be using the floo directly into Minerva’s office, and Remus was eager to see their quarters and settle in. That was how Severus found himself the night before they were due to arrive, packing his makeshift brewery.

He did not return to Albus’s home for the remainder of the summer, although the thought passed his mind at least once a day. 

There was something about being soulmates, or perhaps just living together, that made Severus attuned to where Remus was at all times. Hence he knew when he turned around from packing his last ingredient into the carefully labelled glass case, he would find his husband by the door. Things were in a delicate balance now, and the list of topics they needed to discuss grew ever longer. Severus was convinced that Remus was being purposefully obtuse in many ways, and was expecting some sort of mental breakdown the moment they stepped onto Hogwarts property. 

Now, Severus wasn’t exactly the paragon of relationships, but eventually even he would end up exploding. It had nothing to do with Hogwarts and their impending job prospects, either. Remus touched him All. The. Damn. Time. Then did absolutely nothing to progress anything further than that. It was for that reason that Severus felt stuck in a frustrating loop. 

“All packed?” Remus walked over and the heat of his hand on Severus’s hip was maddening. He leaned in and kissed him on the cheek in what he must have thought was sweet and indulgent. Before Severus could grab onto him and slam him into the wall for something more satisfying, the werewolf was already halfway across the room, engrossed in something inane. This stupid dance had been going on since Severus ended up in pain after their second kiss, and although he pointed out multiple times he was fine, Remus didn’t take the fucking hint. 

But the touching. The touching kept happening, because Remus couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Maybe he could handle this if Remus didn’t graze his fingers down his arm, or touch his spine, or kiss his shoulder, or any of the other million little ways he drove him absolutely insane. 

Yet, he also didn’t initiate anything, either.    
  
He huffed and turned away, folding his new light blue-grey cloak over his arm and silently admitting to himself that this wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t such a bloody coward.

“The students are going to be surprised.” Remus was smiling at him in that soft way that made his cheeks flush. “The older ones, at least, with your new wardrobe.” 

There were a lot of new things about him that would take some adjustment from students, but Severus didn’t think they’d notice something silly like a lighter wardrobe. Remus noticed, though, and complimented him all the time. Valerie, the smug know it all, was thrilled he had ‘opened his colour palette’ and she ‘loved how Remus had such a cute effect on him’. The silver shirt, in particular, always made Remus touch him more, even if nothing ever came of it. 

Severus only wore it often because it was surprisingly comfy. Not due to the fact that he was hoping it would make Remus's iron-like self restraint break. He caught him more than enough times staring at him with an intense look, and then snapping out of it and turning away, flushed. 

He was trying to work through how to approach the topic when a dark-feathered owl fluttered in through the open window. It landed on the desk in front of Severus and held out its talon politely. He let out a bone weary sigh, knowing exactly whose owl it was based on its breed and training alone. Narcissa Malfoy only wrote him about one thing, and he knew his half-formed plans to shag his husband just flew out the metaphorical (and literal) window. 

"Severus?" 

'I have to go.' He wrote out after he tucked the letter into his trouser pocket. 'Draco.' He added as an explanation. 

Remus looked concerned but didn't ask for clarification. 

"Sev, have you heard from Malfoy?" Harry skidded to a halt, out of breath, after jogging all the way up two flights of stairs from the kitchen. 

'Why?' He signed, having already put his wand away to use the floo. 

"Professor McGonagall just floo-called. She said Malfoy wrote to withdraw his attendance to Hogwarts. She wants to talk to you." He frowned. "What the bloody hell is he thinking?" 

Severus stood there in contemplation for a long moment. Draco was prideful by nature, always had been. Quite frankly, Severus thought this would be a quick trip to ensure his safety and then write to Narcissa and tell her where to find him. Perhaps give him a night to cool off before she went to speak to him. Now it appeared to be a bit more dire, and he would need some ammunition. 

His eyes landed on Harry and he figured that would be good enough. 

He handed the letter from Narcissa to Remus and carefully signed out Minerva's name, indicating to tell her what it said. He then waved Harry over and grabbed his arm, dragging him over to the fire and throwing some powder into it. 

"Wait wha-?"

"Severus!"

They disappeared into a whirl of flames. 

xXx

Evelyn Auclair opened the door, and without missing a beat, informed them with a light French accent that 'he was with the chickens'. Severus nodded, then stepped around the similarly-aged woman and into her warmly lit ranch house without waiting for an invitation. He had seen the yellow glow as he walked by the coop, and figured he would give them both some time before Draco started screaming at him. 

He remembered what it was like to be a teenage boy, and he certainly hated it back then. He didn't know why he continued to deal with it for most of his adulthood either. 

Ah, right, Albus Dumbledore. 

"I, er, hello." Harry stood awkwardly on the porch steps. "My name is Harry."

"Hello, I see my cousin's manners fail him." She held her hand out while Harry's eyes bugged from his head, staring back and forth between them. "My name is Evelyn."

"You're… related?" He asked dumbly. 

Severus snorted, and toed off his shoes to disappear further into the house. It had been months since he came there last, and then years before that. Although Evelyn was his favourite living relative (although that wasn't much of a stretch considering their lineage) it was dangerous to involve her in his life while Voldemort was around. 

Severus found proof of Evelyn shortly after he graduated Hogwarts. In fact, Avery had done it for him. The man had always been interested in family lines, and once he figured out Severus's mother's last name had been Prince, that was that. He ignored the muggle half completely, like Severus's father didn't even exist, which was fine by him. He waxed poetic about the history of the Prince lines, and Severus found his hatred for his mother thawing just from the enraptured tone of his somewhat-friend as he explained all the Prince family had accomplished. 

Severus went by Prince when he didn't want to be associated with his father, and even introduced himself that way to Evelyn without realizing how cruel it was. He had been so relieved with shedding the Snape name that it became a near addiction.

Avery mentioned his mother had a brother who sired three children, but the first died at the age of ten. Looking further into it, Avery discovered she had disappeared but had been left for dead. His brain couldn't wrap around what Severus could see clear as day. Age ten, with less and less information as she got closer to the age of acceptance to Hogwarts. The Prince family was already ashamed that his mother married a muggle. They couldn't handle the mortification of a squib daughter. There were stories of euthanization far back in history for that very reason, and at first he considered she was dead. 

Then he went to the muggle world and found her records quite easily. The thrill at seeing her name- a Prince- was frankly alarming. His other cousins didn't speak to him thanks to his lineage, although they acted polite when they saw him in social gatherings. He didn't seek Evelyn out face to face until after he decided to become a spy. With a chance of his life being cut short, he wanted to feel a connection to the half of him that wasn't all terrible. 

Their first meeting was extremely volatile. Severus met her husband, Elias Auclair, first. Shortly after introducing himself as Severus Prince, Elias had actually punched him, saying he had some nerve coming around there after what his family did to his wife. Evelyn came out the front door and the two of them froze when they saw each other. Severus held a hand to his bruising cheek and was thankful he left his wand somewhere safe so he didn't hex the muggle on instinct. 

Evelyn had the same thin wispy black hair and brown eyes he did, but her skin was darker. Her nose was smaller, but similar in shape, and the way she pursed her lips was almost identical. They looked like  _ family _ . 

Evelyn invited him in and they exchanged stilted conversation over tea while her husband slowly melted from his frosty demeanor. Severus would come back many times in that first year after Lily's death, and eventually the two of them became what neither had growing up; a kinship born of blood. 

It was because of this that Severus left Draco with her, knowing he could trust her to look after him. No one would expect Severus to have ties with a 'muggle' relative. She was a well guarded secret. 

Evelyn found him in the kitchen, looking at a picture tacked up onto her fridge. It was of the three of them: Severus, Evelyn, and Elias. Amara, Evelyn's best friend, took the picture that night, after she announced bluntly that she was not interested in Severus, thanks Evelyn, so stop trying to set them up. He had been horrified, not realizing that was the intent until Evelyn turned red and apologized. 

"It was strange, taking down all your pictures." Evelyn said in lieu of a greeting. 

He turned to her and figured he owed her an explanation for his silence. He would have at least made a disparaging remark about her slobbery mutts by now if he still had his voice. Evelyn was used to seeing him use magic, so she didn't even blink when he took out his wand and spelled his thoughts. 

'I lost my voice in the war.' He told her unflinchingly. 

"I'm sorry, Severus." She murmured sadly. 

'I couldn't come to the funeral.' He indicated the picture. 'I owe you an apology as well.'

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're still alive." She leaned her hip against the counter. "I was worried about you."

'I'm married.' He told her abruptly, feeling both foolish and contrite that he had taken so long to tell her. 

Her eye drifted down to the ring on his finger and then she gave him a pointed look. "This wedding have a reception?"

He shook his head and then stepped closer, wanting to insure her that he would have gladly had her there if he could. 

'It was in the middle of the war.' He explained. 'We did it in secret. A magical ceremony just between the two of us.'

Evelyn's face lost some of it's hard edge. "Oh, I see. Is that…?" She gestured over her shoulder, indicating Harry even though it was clear he had decided to go harass Draco instead. He was surprised there were no signs of a duel happening yet. "Their son?"

He shook his head, although the mark didn't seem too far off, now that he considered it. It was complicated. 

'That is Lily's son.' 

"Goodness." She sighed and then turned towards the kettle and decidedly began to make them some coffee. 

He waited until she turned back towards him after putting the kettle on before he awkwardly lifted his left hand to show her the ring. A softness fell over her at once and she walked over to him to examine it. He let her take his hand, feeling a little like a nervous child. 

'I changed my last name.' 

"To Prince?" She no longer winced at the sound of her maiden name, and even though they abandoned her, she had more sympathy for his plight than her husband ever did. She understood what it was like to want to distance herself from the pain. He would never admit it, but the last name had morphed into a sort of connection to her, in a roundabout way, and that was also a part of why he used it as the years went on. Not as a part of the family that turned up their noses at the both of them, but to her. 

'No.' He couldn't quite meet her gaze. 'They weren't my family.'

Evelyn cupped his cheek, but she didn't say anything. She stepped away as the kettle began to whistle, and poured them both some coffee before they unanimously sat down at the kitchen table. They were a pair, understanding each other in ways that not many people did. 

'Lupin.' He would examine why that gave him a secret thrill later. Suddenly the fact that he was married felt surreal in a devastatingly good way. Evelyn was perhaps the first and only person he wanted to tell in person. No one else's congratulations mattered up until that point. 

"Do I get to meet him?" Evelyn asked. She had always known that Severus didn't care about the gender of his interests. He even confided in her one day that he'd slept with Avery in a stupid drunken mishap that they swore they'd never repeat. Ever. She laughed for days at the pinched look on his face as he forced the admission past his lips. 

'Yes.' He assured her immediately, knowing in his gut that Evelyn would probably adore Remus. 'I would have brought him.' 

"But Darcy, I mean, Draco." Her lips twisted wryly. "He is hurting, Severus. He wants to stay here." She looked out past the kitchen window to the coop, where Draco and Harry had yet to hex the roof off. It was probably a good sign it hadn't happened yet. "I would let him, you know I adore him, but it's not coming from a good place. He's doing it because he is lashing out."

'I'm aware.' He took a fortifying sip of his coffee. 

"Are they friends?" 

He shook his head. 'Enemies, more like, but Draco will either listen to him or jinx him. Since they're underage that could cost him his wand, and Draco knows that. If he had any intention of leaving the magical world he would have done it by now.'

Evelyn snorted. "Always the same, can't just do things the easy way."

'This way merits better results.'

She rolled her eyes. 

"So. Tell me about this Mr. Lupin of yours." 

'Remus.' He corrected her carefully. 'We went to school together.' 

"Wait." Evelyn furrowed her brow in thought. "Is this…? Is this the man you were talking about a few years ago? He kept trying to, oh how did you put it 'ignore your turbulent past'?" 

Severus knew he mentioned Remus to her, as it was one of the last times he was able to enjoy a visit with her before Voldemort returned. That would have been the summer between Harry's third and fourth year, and he remembered the vehemence in which he complained to her about Remus's stupid cowardice and various other adjectives. He hadn't even mentioned they were soulmates, too ashamed of both of the marks on his arm to show them to her. 

"I knew it." She leaned back smugly. "It was the way you spoke about him. You wouldn't care so much otherwise. In fact, I remember mentioning that to you and, oh, what did you say?" 

'Shut up.' 

"Oh, yes, 'never in a million millennia', or something as dramatic." She grinned at him, and it was like they were twenty two again. 

'Yes, well, it seems I will have to wait a millennia for him to touch me again.' He groused, the filter between his brain and words depleted in the mounting frustration. 

"Trouble between you? Is it the war?" She prompted. 

He felt pathetic now. 'In a way.' He indicated his neck. 

"You think he's scared to touch you? Oh, Severus, that's a simple fix. Just tell him." She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "After my surgery Elias treated me like I was made of glass. I had to damn near jump him to get him back into bed."

'I have told him I'm fine.' He responded defensively. 

"But have you said you want to have sex with him plainly? Oh, don't look at me like that. Honestly, Severus, he sounds like a good man if he is worried about your well being, but he also is a  _ man _ . I'm sure he wants it just as much as you do."

'I'm beginning to wonder.' 

He realized, in that moment, why he was being ridiculous. It was a hard pill to swallow; to see that their insecurities were once again stepping in the way. Remus had pursued him without abandon at first, and now that he had him, was trying to give him space. He was worried that Severus didn't really want this, and had expressed as such multiple times in the last few months. Of course he was trying not to push him; he wanted to be absolutely sure that Severus wanted him back instead of doing it because they were married or soulmates or whatever other sense of responsibility Remus concocted up in his head. In actuality he wanted him so much he didn't want to hurt or smother him with it. 

"Fuck." Severus mouthed feelingly. 

"Why don't you go fix that?" Evelyn offered. "The boys are safe here, and I know Dar-Draco will just lash out at you tonight. I'll go check on them now and you can come pick them up in the morning. Harry can take one of the spare rooms."

'No, Remus can wait-'

"No." She stood up and took his mug from him pointedly. "He can't. Just go. They're teenage boys and I've helped to raise enough of them. Draco would never put anyone in danger, least of all me. It will help him to know he has time to collect his thoughts before he sees you again. It was really smart to bring someone his age here. You would have been a good father, I think."

He stared at her incredulously. 

She raised a brow at him. "Do you want to make sure they're still alive before you leave?" She walked past him towards the front door and did just that. He followed behind her into the cool September air, and stood back as she peered through the window at Draco and Harry. 

"They're talking, it looks like." Evelyn whispered. "The dogs are in there with them. Renault just loves Draco, you know." She stepped back and he could see the scene over her shoulder just as she described. Both boys had their backs facing them, sitting on the bench with a few feet of space between them, each petting a dog. The chickens were in their nests dozing, completely ignoring the disruption to their nightly routine. 

They were fine. 

"Harry is safe here." She assured him. "I know you put all those spells up to keep the place hidden and safe. Yes, of course I knew, I grew up with magic, you know."

She put her hands on her hips. "Now stop stalling." 

xXx

Remus was waiting for him when he returned home, and tossed his book to the side to stand up and meet him halfway at the fireplace. 

"Did you speak to him?-"

Knowing he would lose his nerve, Severus didn't waste any time explaining himself before he leaned in and kissed Remus firmly. He grabbed onto his shirt with his fists and kept him there, pouring all the frustration of the last few weeks into his lips. Remus immediately lost himself in the kiss, and Severus had all the confirmation he needed. It really was that simple, wasn't it? Why had he denied them this for so long? He truly was a fool. 

‘They're with my cousin.’ He pulled back, explaining quickly. ‘We can pick them up in the morning.’

Remus's eyes were glazed over for a moment before they returned to razor sharp focus. "Do you think that's wise?"

‘She can handle them.’ He put his wand away to have full use of his hands.

"Isn't she-" Remus cut himself off as Severus pulled his shirt over his head. All words evaporated from his mind, and he wouldn't be able to stop Severus from deftly stripping him of his shirt even if the house was overrun with murderous death eaters. 

Once Remus shrugged the sleeves down and the cloth fell to the floor, Severus was on him again. This time the intoxicating sensation of bare skin made Remus frantic to get his hands on every inch he could touch. He was like a man starved sitting before a buffet, and he felt lit up from the inside out with each caress. Their mouths moving against each other, one kiss sliding into the next. 

Severus's hands were up on his hair, trailing sparks of pleasure across his scalp, and then he slid his hands down his chest and to his waist, pulling him closer still. It was arousing how desperate Severus felt against him, like he couldn't think long enough to slow down. Their bodies were flipping to instinctual pathways, searching for ways to meld into one another. 

Severus reached for his belt buckle and Remus's brain restarted for just long enough so he could grab onto his wrists and still them gently. 

"Is everything alright?" Remus didn't know where to start asking the millions of reassurances, but his eyes naturally drifted to the scarring on his husband's neck. 

Severus pulled his hands out from Remus's grip. 'I am fine.' He looked like he would have hissed the words out if he was able, and Remus felt silly indeed. 'You want this or not?" He signed out carefully, his bruised mouth echoing the words soundlessly. 

"Of course I do." Remus gave him a bewildered look. "I just wasn't sure…"

Severus pulled the wand out of his back pocket, needing to say this quickly. 'I have wanted you for weeks you daft man.'

Suddenly his wand was skittering across the floor, and a hand cradled his skull as it collided with the wall and cushioned the blow. It appeared that all of his reservations vanished, and Remus had shoved him against the closest surface to ravish him. This was what he craved for weeks, and he felt pleasantly overwhelmed by the attention. Remus’s mouth pressed hot open kisses to his jaw and the healed areas of his neck; the sensitivity making him keen. Calloused hands slid up his back and a thigh pressed between his legs to steady them. 

Severus rolled his hips forward automatically, gasping as the friction sent a pleasant ache skittering across his nerves. He had thought about this moment, about what he’d like to do, and how they’d go about getting there, but now it all melted away. Remus was against him, lips and tongue trailing across every inch of his neck he could reach, and their hips were finding a rhythm that had them both breathing harshly. When the clothed grinding wasn’t enough, he reached for their slacks again, feeling his way through unbuttoning and lowering Remus’s zip. 

Remus had other plans, mouth quickly mapping out a trail downwards, until he was on his knees, pushing Severus’s hips into the wall with one hand as he undid his belt with the other. Severus felt his body sag against the support, hands gripping for something to hold onto as his stomach clenched with precipatory arousal. 

Remus slid his trousers and pants down to just above his knees, keeping him slightly trapped as he reached down to fondle his bollocks, the first touch making him buck forward and let his head tip back into the wall. Heat was gathering in his pelvis, and his breath was stuttered and broken as Remus slid one finger along the skin behind his testicles, stopping and pressing up before he reached his hole. Severus swore soundlessly, body arching forward to chase the building sensations. 

The feeling of a mouth wrapping around him punched the air from his lungs, and his hands scrambled to get purchase on something. Eventually they landed on Remus’s shoulders and he bucked up into his mouth helplessly. Remus didn’t falter, one hand still tracing the skin between his legs and fondling him, and the other wrapping around his cock and using it to push him back so he could suck him down slowly. He knew he was a mess, and the precum was probably filling Remus’s mouth. His eyes were naturally drawn down to what was happening, and he was genuinely surprised he didn’t come on the spot seeing Remus between his knees like that. 

Remus took his time, dragging his tongue and mouth all over him, wringing wave after wave of not-enough pleasure through him. He didn’t look like he was teasing, per se, simply that he was enjoying the ways he took Severus’s breath away. It was maddening, but Remus’s strength kept him from forcing the change in tempo. He was completely at his mercy, and even with a voice, he didn’t know what to ask for. 

Eventually he pulled back, giving Severus a chance to catch his breath, and his hands slid away to simply hold his hips in place while he placed nearly chaste kisses in nonsensical patterns across his pelvis. 

“Turn around.” Remus directed, voice wrecked, as he stood up and his hands helped to turn Severus’s hips until he was facing the wall with Remus plastered against his back. Severus leaned his forearms in front of him and ground his hips back, enjoying the way Remus groaned against his ear. 

The heat along his spine disappeared somewhat as Remus pushed his own pants down, and then something warm and thick was sliding between his cleft. Severus remembered what it was like to have that inside him and let his forehead press into the wall and his eyes squeeze shut. He didn’t know if he could last as long as it took for Remus to stretch him out. He could feel a mouth kissing along his shoulder and then trace the shell of his ear. 

“Is it okay like this?” 

Severus would have nodded no matter what the question, and then heard Remus whisper something and then move a little further back so his cock was no longer dragging against him. The sounds of something slick moving up and down his shaft behind him made Severus clue in to exactly what was happening. When the length pressed between his thighs and then a warm, wet, hand wrapped around his neglected prick, he couldn’t help the noise that came out of his throat. 

They rocked against each other, Remus finding relief against the innermost skin of his thighs, and Severus arching back to meet him as he thrust forward. The heat was heady around them, Remus’s chest sticking against Severus’s back with sweat, and a mouth mindlessly pressing against his shoulder as he rutted against him. Neither of them were interested in taking things slowly now, as Remus’s hand on him moved just a little bit faster than his hips, the pleasure clenching tighter and tighter with each pass over the sensitive flesh. 

The sounds of their breathing and bodies meeting again and again were the only sounds in the room, creating a liminal space between them. Severus wouldn’t be able to feel his fingers clenching against the wall paper, but one day he’d come back and see the crescent moon indents there and know what happened. He was trying to hold back, prolong this as much as he could, but he knew that he was too far gone. He could feel Remus start to stutter against him, and just the knowledge that he was losing himself against Severus was enough for him to crest over into a writhing, intense, orgasm. 

There was a space between one wave of bliss and the next where he realized how he must look, losing himself into abandon, before he was swept up by another ebb and flow. He could absently hear his groans, feel the tightening in his stomach, and anticipate the next thrust against him and hand stripping his cock. He knew there would be a mess; the sheer magnitude and length of his orgasm guaranteed it, but he didn’t stop rocking against Remus until his hips slammed against him and stopped, wet heat spattering against his thighs and bollocks. 

Remus leaned against him for a long moment after his own release finished, the wall the only thing keeping them from tumbling to their knees. Severus felt like he was having some sort of out of body experience, unable to do much except try and catch his breath. His whole body was tingling, with the points of contact becoming sticky and too-hot. Severus looked down and felt his face flame at the sight of the mess on the wall and dripping down his thighs, he was embarrassed, yes, but also deeply satisfied and triumphant. He closed his eyes and focused on regaining his senses. 

“Sorry we didn’t make it to the bed.” He could hear the grin in his husband's voice. “Or at least the couch.”

Severus let out a huff and then tested the strength of his arms and pushed back against Remus gently, hinting that he was heavy and they should probably get cleaned up. 

Remus managed a spell to clean them up for the most part, and then dragged Severus over to the couch so they could half-collapse into it. They both readjusted their pants and trousers before they settled with Severus’s side pressed against Remus’s chest. Remus kissed him softly on the lips and then leaned against the back of the couch and watched him. 

‘Okay?’ The werewolf signed carefully. 

‘Okay.’ The potion’s master responded, and then leaned in and kissed him again. 

xXx 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome, I know you all went ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) when you saw that rating bump. 
> 
> Also this fic is giving me massive cavities. Send help.


	8. Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here I was thinking that I’d end it on chapter seven, and then was re-reading everything and realized I forgot like THREE things I was supposed to wrap up. So uh, here we are.

xXx

'Come with me.' 

Severus stood up from the couch abruptly, making Remus feel cold without his warmth at his side. Severus grabbed his wand and both of their shirts while Remus slowly got to his feet. Somewhere between Severus's arrival back from his cousin's farm, and their dozing on the couch, night had truly fallen into the later hours. 

After the sweat cooled on their skin, the two of them found that words were not necessary after what had just happened. It was a calm silence, the two of them lounging on the couch, fingertips barely laced. Remus was surprised that he could get his husband to stay still and tolerate his affection long enough to do something so indulgent. He still took full advantage of it, breathing in the scent of his skin and relishing in the ability to rememorize the angle of his shoulder and pattern of his breathing. 

The bedroom was heavily shadowed, so the potions master lit a solitary candle as they readied for bed. When Remus left to brush his teeth, Severus moved over to the bookshelf and pulled out the notebook he had hidden the ring behind. If Remus found it one day between the purchase and now, he wouldn't have minded. He didn't know why it took him so long to present it, but perhaps all the insecurities were keeping him at bay. It felt like they'd washed the slate clean for now, and he thought it would be silly to go back to Hogwarts with only one of them wearing a wedding band. 

He sat on the bed, tilting the unassuming leather pouch until the ring fell into the palm of his hand. He knew it was enough, deep down, but it still felt lackluster in comparison to how he felt. They weren't people who really cared about the monetary value of a simple ring, but having grown up poor, Severus wanted things to be different now. Remus took from his own vault to pay for his things, but Severus had plans for their joint savings. Albus Dumbledore left him a modest fortune, and he would be damned if his husband didn't benefit from that. Remus was careful out of necessity, mending his clothes instead of buying new ones, buying used items so they were cheaper but lesser quality. Living with Black helped some, as the man had money to burn, but he wanted Remus to learn to rely on  _ him _ , not Sirius Black and his lazy inheritance. 

He closed the ring into his palm, heart pounding in his chest, as Remus reentered the room. They moved the bed from the wall a few days after they started sleeping in the same room, and so there were two bedside tables now on either side. The one nearest the wall was where Severus's wand lay, and where he had placed the candle while he waited. 

Remus paused before he got into bed, watching the light flicker in the shadows across his husband's face. He was thinking of something, and Remus leaned over and kissed his shoulder, enjoying the simple fact that now he felt emboldened. 

"What is it, love?"

Severus looked at him thoughtfully and then moved his hand so it was nearer to Remus before he opened it. 

"Oh." He sat up straight and stared down at the small trinket, stunned at the sight of it. Logically he knew he needed one, but it just seemed such a menial task to drag Severus around for. He was so careful trying not to overstep, that he felt ashamed just thinking back at his avoidance. Meanwhile, Severus had to be the one to initiate things, and he clearly wanted Remus enough to buy him a ring. He was almost amused at how quickly his eyes prickled with tears at the gesture. 

Severus lifted his other hand and took Remus's left hand in his own, hesitant for a few seconds before he lifted it up so he could splay his fingers and slide the ring over one joint and then the other. The cobalt was so dark blue it was almost black, and it was a heavy contrast against his pale, freckled, skin. There was a significant weight there, a meaningful one, and it made them both pause in reverence. 

They had been married for months now, but this felt like that first night all over again. A relearning of each other and shift in the paradigm. 

Severus floundered for what to do, his chest felt too full. Remus lifted the hand and admired the ring in the low light, lips trembling even though they were smiling. Eventually he brushed the back of his fingers against Severus's jaw, the cool metal a sharp reminder, as he leaned in and kissed him sweetly. 

"It's perfect."

He could have expressed many things in that moment, written out his first thought of 'you would think anything is perfect' or even sign something soppy and worthy of the moment. Instead he leaned into him and wrapped his arms around his neck, trading unhurried, tender kisses. He knew that this was the type of attention that his husband relished in, and he was starting to understand the appeal. He had the rest of their time together to get used to these sensual moments of affection. 

Remus gave him one last lingering kiss before he took Severus's arm and pressed his lips against the knuckle where his own wedding ring fit. "It was my grandfather's." He explained. "The last thing I have of his. The magic helps strengthen protective spells."

Severus felt his hands tremble when he reached for his wand to reply. 'Yours will grow warm if you're the target of a spell.'

"That will be helpful." Remus chuckled. "I suppose it will be put to good use while I'm teaching."

'I should have given it to you sooner.' 

"We… we've really gone about this whole thing in a strange manner." Remus laughed. "But I don't mind."

xXx

Severus, Remus, and (unfortunately) Sirius all took the trip back to Evelyn's farm the next morning. Sirius grousing all the way that he couldn't believe Severus would just abandon his godson out in the middle of nowhere. Remus reminded his friend that Harry was well looked after, and that Severus didn't want to interrupt the conversation and start a fight. 

"Well at least this Malfoy brat and I have the same reaction to seeing your face." Sirius mocked him.

"Can you two not do this for one hour? We have a half a day to convince Mr. Malfoy to return to his studies." Remus physically stepped in between the two of them, cutting off anything that could be said or written back and forth. 

The front door opened and two large hounds immediately came barreling over. Severus took a disgusted step back while Sirius practically squealed in glee. He fell to his knees and was overrun by the affections of two eighty pound dogs, which allowed Severus to give them a wide girth as he made his way to the door. 

'Mangy mutt.' Severus finger-spelled, making Remus snort in barely concealed amusement. 

"More boys to eat at my breakfast table." Evelyn commented, holding the door open for them as they ascended the steps. "Should we give them a minute?" She nodded towards where Renault and Aiden were romping around excitedly with an animagus-form Sirius. 

'The black one has fleas.' Severus replied. 

Remus ignored that. "Hello. Nice to see you again, Evelyn." He held out his hand in greeting. 

"Hello to you too, Mr. Remus Lupin." She shook his hand firmly, taking in the look of him with new eyes. Their last meeting wasn’t exactly conducive to getting to know one another. "I have so many things to discuss with you." 

'Evelyn.' Severus gave her a warning look. 

"I'll tell him the embarrassing stories when you aren't around. Come along. You'll find your young men are fully intact and- Goodness Gracious!" 

"Oh, uh, sorry. I forgot you weren't used to magic." Sirius had changed mid-stride up the steps, looking sheepish. 

"Well this is quite the intervention. First Potter and now you lot?" 

Draco was just inside the foyer, arms crossed as he took in the ensemble. "Let me guess. You will drag me kicking and screaming out of my bed here, too, if I don't come with you willingly?" He sneered at Severus. 

'No.' Severus responded calmly. 'If you wish to stay here that is up to you and Evelyn. However, I am under no obligation to lie to your mother on your behalf.' 

"I made friends here, you know." Draco was ramping up for a decent row. "And they don't give a fuck if my parents were death eaters, or if I participated in a war I wanted nothing to do with. Do you have any idea what it would be like to go back there?"

'I imagine just as stressful as being the man who killed their headmaster.' Severus replied glibly. 

"Oh, what, so you have it worse, do you? Poor old Snape. Lost his voice and his reputation! You have no idea how I feel. At least I gave a fuck about losing my father. I'm sure for you it was just another Tuesday- And you're the reason I never got to see him again! So excuse me if I don't give a bloody fuck about what you feel."

'You're right.' Severus cut off any attempts to defend him with a quick flick of his wrist to silence the rest of the room. 'I am the reason you can never see your father again. I took a child away from a war at his mother's wish, but she didn't need to convince me. You would have been tasked with killing Albus Dumbledore. Your mother and I would have gladly died to never see it come to that. You, Draco, do not have it in you to kill. And he would have killed or tortured you as punishment.' 

Draco stared horrified at the words. 

'You are safe. I will gladly bear your anger, but do not make a rash decision about your future because of your anger towards your mother and I.'

"Malfoy, it's going to be utter shite." Harry came from behind him, stepping into foyer with his hands shoved into his pockets. "But yelling at him won't make that go away."

"Shut it, Potter." He instinctively snapped.

"We went over this last night. Either way he's a part of your life. Hatred takes up a lot of space in your head." Harry smiled wryly. "Something we all can attest to."

"Ugh, Remus, your level-headedness has rubbed off on my godson." Sirius quipped. "I'm going to revoke visiting privileges."

Draco and Harry both looked embarrassed for different reasons, and finally the blond huffed and tilted his chin up proudly. "I am returning to Hogwarts, and I am going to take your job as head of house one day."

Severus would gladly hand it over without the pomp and circumstance, but he let Draco save face by simply nodding tersely. 

"You're lucky you aren't staying here, young man." Evelyn cut in here, furiously. "Because you would be grounded for a year after using that language in my house." She glowered at him in the way only a wrathful mother could. "I will not have you speaking to Severus like that. You owe him an apology." 

"He-" Draco started to complain. 

"Draco Malfoy. You want to be a grown man with your own choices then you reap the consequences of those actions. You are both my family and I won't have you speak to each other like that. You." She turned towards Severus and jabbed her finger into his chest. "Apologize for losing his trust. And you." She turned back to Draco. "Tell him you're sorry for being rude." 

There was a ringing silence. 

"NOW." 

"Fine. Sorry." Draco grumbled, face flame with the shame of being reprimanded in front of everyone. 

'I apologize.' Severus wrote stiffly. 

"Good. Now. We were in the middle of a late breakfast. We are all going to go sit at the table like civilized people and  _ talk calmly _ ."

xXx

"I think I am in love." Sirius leaned over to whisper conspiratorially in Harry's ear as they finished up a stilted and overly polite breakfast. "Did you see how she handled them?"

"She'd kick your arse." Harry assured him. "You wouldn't stand a chance."

"You wound me, Harry." Sirius gasped dramatically. 

"She adores Remus, though." They watched as the two of them chatted as they finished up their tea like old friends. She had sent Draco to do the dishes as punishment, a lenient one if they ever saw it, but she was also interested to learn more about her cousin's husband. It was probably for the best that Draco wasn't there to listen to the embarrassing conversation. Severus had already wandered off to see the horses, and Harry was inclined to follow one of them just to get out of this conversation. 

"I am going to go help Malfoy." Harry decided, quickly picking up his and Sirius's half-touched cups and carrying them away. 

Evelyn chuckled. "Teenage boys. All the same."

xXx

Remus stepped back from his work with a deep sigh, feeling both nostalgic and thankful as he stood in his new office. The space was now his completely; no longer a stand-in or temp, but a true full time employee with the ability to lay down roots. He could empty the bookshelves, use what he wanted, completely revamp the entire curriculum if he desired. He tried to remember a time where he felt like he belonged somewhere like this, and found it all came around full circle. 

Hogwarts was his home; as a student, and now as a professor.

He wondered what he would have told the younger version of himself if he could see him now. It was hard to believe that after so much heartache and loneliness, he was here again. The war was finally over, werewolves were free, and he was happily, truly happily, married. Would a younger Remus believe he was destined to marry that smart-mouthed boy who sat down in the library with him by chance? That he would still be a werewolf, but find people who loved him despite that?

What would James and Lily say, if they were there to see it?

The door to his classroom opened softly, but the smell of dittany, the sound of sure footsteps, and the whisper of warmth along the back of his forearm alerted him of the visitor way before that. He stepped back from his office, taking one last look at the dark mahogany desk, beige draperies, and shelves arranged to his specifications. 

“What do you think of our rooms?” Remus called, leaning on the bannister as Severus walked up the classroom aisle towards the stairs to his office.

‘I think you want a divorce.’ Severus shot him a long-suffering look. 

“Can you even get divorced from your soulmate?” Remus mused aloud, leaning down to kiss the annoyed look off his husband’s face as he ascended the staircase. 

‘I am very resourceful.’ Severus reminded him when he pulled back from the kiss. 

Remus laughed. “I’m fully aware. I’ll ask the house elves to change the bedsheets.”

‘And the drapes, and the rug, and the bloody hand towels.’ Severus pointed out. ‘Do you gryffindors know any other colours?’

“I like the colour of that shirt.” Remus admitted slyly. 

‘Good.’ Severus put his hand on his chest and pushed him just enough so he could step around him and into the office. ‘I’ll change the sofa you’re sleeping on tonight this colour.’

“As long as you’re on it with me.”

'We have a meeting.' Severus reminded him pointedly, although there was something in his body language that betrayed his interest in what Remus was suggesting. 

It wouldn't be right to be late to the first staff meeting of the year. Neither of them had seen anyone but Minerva since they arrived at Hogwarts, and Remus felt some of the playfulness dissipate when an idle thought stuck into the cogs of his brain. He wondered if he was correct in guessing that Severus was nervous in seeing his old coworkers. Clearly Minerva told them his role in the war, but they had no idea if the others truly accepted it or not. Severus could have just as easily met him at the meeting. Instead he sought him out with put-upon annoyance as an excuse. 

Remus threw caution to the wind and decided that both of them could use a little distraction a little closer to the original vein of their conversation. He closed the door to his office with a flick of his wrist and reduced the space between them in a few long strides. Severus was pretending to study the books on his desk, but everything was attune to Remus walking towards him. He only looked at him in the last second, and Remus knew he was right considering Severus looked relieved before he closed the space between them. 

He cupped Severus's face in his hands and kissed him firmly, not rough and eager, nor soft and saccharine. It was a reaffirming kiss, something that felt steadfast and unwavering, which made Severus lean into it eagerly. Sometimes when he kissed Remus, he noticed something new, a small little piece of the puzzle that he put into place with vindication. Severus would never ask to be held for something like comfort, but he would always maneuver them so his arms were around Remus's shoulders, which would automatically make his hands go around Severus's middle and settle on his back. It was small, manipulative even, but Remus had no qualms giving him what he wanted. Severus pressed his whole body from chest to hips against Remus, and although it would never fail to light his skin aflame, the kisses turned searching and humble. Eventually Severus slowly parted their lips, the last kiss lingering between them like the final note of a song. 

"We should go." Remus didn't let go of him, and he wouldn't until Severus moved away first. Needless to say, they were almost late for the meeting. 

xXx

The meeting took place in a small staff room near the headmistress office. It was bright and cheerful, Remus remembered it fondly from his time there, but when they entered it took everything in him to not immediately grab Severus's hand. He knew the act of comfort would have the opposite effect, so he kept his hands to himself. He plastered on a smile that was partially genuine, and then took a seat so Severus wouldn't have to be the first at the table. 

Rolanda Hooch immediately sat down beside him and began to engage him in questions about his plans for Gryffindor now that he was officially Head of House. She was always the most welcoming to him, something that he appreciated greatly in his first year of teaching. Now it served as a pleasant distraction to keep him from watching Severus like some overprotective spouse. 

Severus, meanwhile, would have made a graceful break for the spot beside Remus if it wasn't for Poppy Pomfery. 

"I heard about what happened, dear. Oh, they look much better than I expected." She peered at his scars perfunctory, and then straightened up and gave him a searching look. "No residual effects?"

'Aside from being voiceless? No.' He responded, and Poppy could clearly feel the dryness to his statement even without his voice to say it. 

"Yes, of course, aside from that." It barely ruffled her feathers. 

'I am fine.'

"Thank goodness for that. After I heard what happened from Minerva, well, I…" She pressed her lips together and then her demeanor softened. "I am glad you are alright."

Severus blinked at her, a little stunned by the clear affection in her tone, but able to keep his expression schooled from years of experience. 'Your sentiment is appreciated.'

"Quite so!" Flitwick was at their side immediately. "We only heard things second hand! To know what you must have gone through…" He looked haunted at the mere thought. 

Minerva cut in here to tell them the meeting was about to commence and to take their seats. Severus ended up with Flitwick on one side and a strangely quiet Sprout on the other. He didn't want to dwell on her piercing gaze too long, unwilling to draw attention to it in case that caused the dam to break. 

The meeting was quick and succinct. She thanked them all for returning to help her reopen Hogwarts, and then introduced the newest members of their staff.

Kieran Locke was the new Potions professor, a man whom had Severus's begrudging trust as a decent potioneer. He was a quiet, calculating sort of fellow, but polite enough when the situation called for it. He was sussing out his coworkers before he revealed his true nature, and Severus disliked the smirk on his face, as it distinctly reminded him of a smug Sirius Black. 

Anise Castor, a new Muggle Studies professor, was a previous Ravenclaw graduate. She had her blonde hair swirled up into a bun on her head and looked decidedly nervous. Severus could see she was trying not to focus on him too long as her gaze swept around the room. 

"Thankfully Severus has decided to come back as Head of House, and Remus is our new Head of Gryffindor." Minerva smiled at her protégé proudly. "There will be challenges, of course. We anticipate quite a bit of difficulty in the reaction of the students to returning. Some familiar faces will be a relief, I am sure."

Severus highly doubted that, but remained subdued. 

Filius was quick to catch his attention once Minerva focused her attention on the newest hires. He was fluent, his hands moving in quick fluttering motions that he repeated patiently until Severus could glean what he was saying. His only source of practice was Remus, and anything that required a more wordy answer was written with his wand. 

He started getting into the rhythm when the tension broke beside him and Pomona Sprout stood up and slammed her hands down on the table in front of her. Everyone had their wands out instantly, adrenaline spiking and heads thrown back to the battle. 

"Is no one going to ask him?!" She demanded, causing several people to start getting to their feet warily.

Remus tried to admonish her gently. "Pomona…"

"When the bloody hell did you get  _ married _ ?!"

Handspeak was a perfect opportunity for her to get her fill of his glinting gold band. It was all she could focus on for the whole damn meeting! 

"Pomona!" Minerva's brows arched. "You could show some more tact."

Severus used all the skills in his arsenal to look calm as he turned to Minerva and signed: 'You didn't tell them?'

Minerva gave him a disapproving look and responded, 'It is not my news to tell,' in sign language. 

'You told them I was a spy.' He accused. 

'That was pertinent information.' She responded stiffly.

He didn't know all the signs for 'so they wouldn't hang me at the gallows' so he settled for glaring at her instead. 

"And when did you have  _ time _ ?"

Severus stood up, his short fuse about to spark dangerously. He was at a very low tolerance level, and he did not like to be the center of attention without his participation in that decision. He didn't know what part of her questions offended him the most, but he decided right then and there that none of the nosey busybodies deserved an answer. 

He stormed from the room, the door would have slammed shut satisfyingly had Remus not immediately followed after him and caught it easily. Bloody werewolf strength ruined his exit. 

The staff room descended into chaos behind them. 

Remus didn't say anything until they reached their rooms and only when the door was closed and locked behind them did he mildly comment: 

"That was a bit intrusive." 

Severus knew he could fly off the handle at that: it was pulsing in his blood. He wanted to take his anger out; yell, throw things, hex something, but he held himself together by a thread. He was itching for a fight, and he knew that one more thing would set him over. 

They didn't ask about Albus, about being on the wrong side of the war, if he regretted everything. No. They all stared at him with the same burning judgment he felt his entire life. It felt like a cold slap in the face, to realize that these people thought his  _ marriage _ was the startling thing. It was so unbelievable that it beat out the betrayal and murder of their headmaster. Who could ever care for surly Severus Snape?

"Severus." Remus could see him visibly shaking. "Is there anything I can do?" 

He missed his voice. Writing out 'of course you can't bloody well do anything!' Didn't have the same effect as it being yelled at the top of his lungs. 

"It's easy to focus on inane things." Remus offered in the silence. "In the aftermath of all we have faced. It was easier to focus on that for her. It was abrasive, and I'm not excusing her, but I'm sure that is her reason. She will apologize soon."

Stupid fucking Remus and his calm, reasonable, nature. 

He walked into his potions lab and this time he was able to slam the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their wedding rings: something borrowed and old, something new and blue. No, I didn't plan that. I realized it afterwards. I'm so sickeningly romantic it's subliminal. 
> 
> Me: //pulls up to the Snupin fandom years later with steeped tea// get in losers we're going fangirling. 
> 
> Also. Listen. I fucked up the continuity. No I won't tell you where. I'm sure an astute set of eyes will point it out.


	9. Soulmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> This fic has given me a lot of opportunity to really put a lot of myself into these characters. I have always really struggled with the feeling of worth and what it meant to love someone and also lose that love in such a final way. I really resonated with Severus trying to navigate his relationships with both Albus and Remus. The loss of a mentor and his space of safety, and the terrifying vulnerability in a relationship. I want to thank each and every one of you who took the time to come read this and get to know me a little. 

xXx

Severus didn’t come to bed until late, wincing at the sight of light peeking out from under the door. He had hopes to slip into bed when Remus was asleep, or in an ironic twist of events, change into his night clothes and take the couch. Things were settling now that they’d come up with a semblance of a routine, but Severus was still skirting discomfort in sharing his space with another person. In his more vulnerable moments, he still fell back on old habits. When he awoke from nightmares, it took several minutes of frozen panic to realize the other person in his bed belonged there. 

Remus, thankfully, slept like the dead. He didn’t seem to mind Severus’s constant tossing and turning, his light dozing falling into fitful, hazy, memories that woke him with a start. He would always feel wholly inadequate, not being an affectionate person despite the fact that his spouse clearly was. It wasn’t that he disliked it, or felt it was intrusive, he just didn’t know how to react or reciprocate. For instance, tonight, Remus clearly had an intention to talk it out, and Severus just wanted to sleep.

Remus didn’t move when he entered the bedroom still smelling of freshly ground herbs and earthy minerals. He read his book calmly while Severus got ready for bed, and only placed his bookmark in the pages when Severus slipped into bed and glared up at the ceiling.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

‘No.’ Severus signed. 

“Okay.” Remus surprised him. He didn’t sound upset by that, or resigned. He had stayed up just in case Severus wanted to talk, not because he was going to force it out of him. The weight lifted from his chest and the overwhelming ache of emotion replaced it. Remus turned the lights off and then sweetly kissed the top of his shoulder before he rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes. Severus stared at his silhouette in the dark, trying to swallow down the crushing dualities of affection and inadequacy. 

Sleep didn’t come that night, not without waking mere hours later with a headache and the crawling, raw, sensation that only a nightmare could bring. He laid awake thinking about so many things, but the most pressing was his marriage. For years, he hid everything, wrapped himself in layers so thick and impenetrable that not many dared to try and get close. There was a deep, gnawing, fury that never dissipated; the fissure only growing as the years went on. He knew that if he let even the smallest light in, it would crumble him from the inside out. 

Letting someone in for one night had been startlingly simple, but most promises were. They were nothing but words, after all; easy to let slip, but harder to meet the standard they set. He didn’t make many for that very reason; he knew their power and his own limitations. Even feeling crushed under the weight of his inadequacies, he still didn’t feel the promise was a false one. He remembered saying he would meet him halfway, and he was beginning to wonder if his ‘halfway’ fell short.

Remus found him ruminating into his cup of coffee long after he’d finally given up on getting rest and crawled out of bed. 

For some reason, the sight of Remus shocked him, making him jerk and his heart skip. He was overtired and wrung out emotionally; which was not the best time to have any sort of conversation. His brain, however, felt too full and he felt compelled to start rambling, to explain something he still didn’t have the depth to express.

‘I thought changing my name would help.’ He signed once he had Remus’s attention.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked softly, sliding into the seat across from him at their little kitchenette table with his cup of tea. 

He hesitated and then pushed on, mind rushing with ideas and converting them into stilted signing. ‘I thought I would no longer be tied to the pieces I hated. The parts that made me…’ He didn’t know if he could finish the thought, two different things warring with his brain. There was the thought that he was too much like his father, the notion piercing him deeply. Then there was the stupid, gullible, young version of himself who became blinded by death eater ideals. Maybe he even believed that he could change his name and become a little more like Remus. A little kinder, a little more patient, someone worthy of his unsullied surname. 

The last name Snape had such a hateful history, and he realized Prince wasn’t much better. 

He was so frustrated, because he was slow to sign, and now the words he was portraying felt foolish the more he had to think about signing them out.

Remus placed a hand gently on his wrist to draw his attention. ‘Keep going’. He signed. 

‘It was a childish notion.’ He finished surly. 

‘Being a Snape didn’t make you evil.’ Remus replied solemnly. ‘You were always a good person. Your name doesn’t change that.’ 

‘I made too many mistakes to be considered good.’ Severus denied vehemently. 

‘A bad person wouldn’t want to change.’ Remus shot back. ‘They wouldn’t admit they were wrong. You were cruel, yes. You lashed out. You were angry. That doesn’t make you evil. It makes you flawed. You  _ know  _ I’m not perfect.’

He sat back waiting for Severus to acknowledge what he was saying, looking reproachful. When it was clear that Severus didn’t believe him and was glaring at the table lost in thought, Remus sighed restlessly.

‘I don’t want you to change to suit me.’ 

“Severus.” He spoke aloud when it was clear his husband wasn’t paying attention. “You don’t have to change for  _ me _ .” He pressed. “I don’t want that. I want you, whoever you decide that is.” 

‘Why?’ Severus demanded angrily. ‘That should not be enough.’

“I married you knowing who you were at that moment, and knowing that you may end up being someone completely different years from now. I told you, I want a friend who will grow with me, not someone who thinks they have to be worthy of me. There is no such thing.” Remus told him passionately. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like that.” He paused. “Did I? Make you feel like that?”

He took a moment to consider it, and then shook his head. ‘No, this is me.’ 

‘Okay.’ Remus leaned back and wished he knew exactly what to say to make Severus feel better, but he knew that his words would never reach far enough down to heal the damage that had been done over the years. Not yet.

“For what it’s worth, I like that you have my last name.” Remus offered shyly. “No matter what the reason.”

‘Even if I just hated my own?’ Severus responded, face indicating a wry tone. 

Remus shrugged lightly, not quite confident enough to say it implied that Severus was his, and his alone. There was a possessive overtone to that, but it went beyond an urge to claim. It made them family, connected, and he liked that Severus wasn’t too proud to admit that. That he wasn’t ashamed that Remus was his spouse, and he wanted to belong to one another. It made his heart feel so full, and pure, unfiltered, happiness radiated out. It was part of the reason why he couldn’t seem to keep his hands, or his lips, to himself. 

He was frankly surprised that Severus hadn’t told him to knock it off, and it was a  _ nice _ surprise, because it would physically hurt to stop. To articulate that, he leaned forward and took his hand in his, lifting it to brush his lips across the knuckles. Severus didn’t try to stop him, and he didn’t comment, he simply let Remus put his hand back on the table between them and took a sip from his lukewarm coffee. The rest of their time in the kitchenette was peaceful despite the ugly rawness he’d unearthed at the start. They made breakfast and enjoyed it slowly, not in a hurry to do anything except exist in the same space together. 

It was why, when Severus took his hand and pulled him back towards their bedroom, it felt like a natural progression instead of an abrupt change in tone. 

Unlike their first encounter before they arrived at Hogwarts, this one was slow and thorough. Remus felt himself relax from his worries of pushing things too far. There was always an adjustment, a learning of another person's body, that had potential for mishaps. He was starting to understand that Severus may not be affectionate, but he actually liked when Remus was. Now that the rabid urgency of rekindling their sexual relationship was out of the way, he felt safe in indulging himself a bit more. 

Severus seemed content to let him set the pace, matching his touches with searching ones of his own. Their mouths brushed from one lingering kiss to the next, his lips tingling like each sensation was magnified. He knew he could kiss Severus for hours, until their lips turned numb, and still not have memorized the curve of his mouth to his satisfaction. He wanted to do so many small things at once: feel his jaw, the angle of his cheeks, how he reacted to his fingers scraping across his scalp. He knew he had years, decades, as much time as the world would allot them, to learn every inch, but it didn't feel like enough. He didn't want to take any second of their time for granted. 

Severus gasped into his mouth when he curled his fingers into the short hairs at his nape and he smiled in response. Although the skin at the front of his throat was mottled and scarred, he was getting the notion that Severus used to be very sensitive there. He trailed his kisses along the sharp cut of his jaw, imagining all the ways he could make his breath hitch with his tongue and teeth. 

Eventually his shirt collar got in the way and he undid the first few buttons quickly, just enough that he could reveal one slender collarbone and shoulder by pulling it down and to the side. He pressed open-mouthed kisses there and then finally opened his mouth and fastened his teeth into the juncture, soft at first but carefully applying more pressure until Severus made a noise and tangled the back of Remus's shirt into a firm hold, not trying to pull him away, but cling closer. Something about the act, the instinct to bite and leave a mark, was sated by the action and its favorable response. 

He didn't break skin, not wanting something so rough and unruly, but he knew the bruise would show up stark against his skin. He sucked at the spot unapologetically, working on the rest of the buttons of Severus's shirt, brushing the revealed skin more than strictly necessary. Once it was completely open, he trailed his hands up the sides and across his ribs, thumbs brushing against his nipples so lightly that it amplified the touch and made Severus buck up into him and groan softly. 

He knew that his werewolf strength was often a source of worry for other people. It was a reminder of his otherness, something that made it hard to ignore that he wasn't just human. He was always so careful to keep it under check, shrink down so he didn't alarm people. It was hard to remember that point when all he wanted was to slide his hands under Severus's thighs and pick him up to bring him to the bed, wrapping his thighs around Remus's waist so he could still kiss him. It would be nothing, hardly an exertion for a werewolf, but he knew most fully grown men weren't used to someone picking them up easily. He wondered if one day Severus would let him, or if he would find it off putting. 

"Bed." He murmured against his lips, leaning back just enough to pull his own shirt over his head and toss it onto a nearby chair for later. He watched as Severus undid the buttons around his wrists and then slid it down his arms and off to follow Remus's shirt. 

They relocated to the bed, with Remus hardly letting Severus hit the mattress before he was kissing him again. Remus used his weight to push him down onto his back and crawl over top of him, legs bracketing his hips. Despite waiting for Remus to progress things, Severus was happy to oblige his pace. Now the warmth of skin under his palms made him want to leech that into his own body. He wanted to meld them together until he never felt a chill ever again. He wrapped his arms around Remus's shoulders and pulled him closer, opening his mouth to searching kisses. 

Remus disconnected their lips to catch his breath, but like Severus, he didn't want to let too much space get between them. He pressed his forehead against Severus's, both of them panting softly before they both reached for their trousers at the same time. Remus let out a breathless chuckle, pleasantly surprised that Severus also found it amusing enough to laugh silently. 

One day Severus would let him undress him and take his time savoring every inch of his body, but now that they were on the bed he couldn't help his impatience. He tugged his clothes down and off, brushing his hips against Remus’s when he arched up to pull everything away, eliciting a groan from both of them. He then batted Remus's hands out of the way and did the same for him as far as he could before Remus had to take over and pull the rest from his legs. Before he tossed them on the floor, he grabbed his wand from the pocket and placed it on the bed beside them, knowing he would need it later. 

The way Severus pulled him back in and opened his legs to pull him flush against his body was perhaps the hottest most blatant show of trust he could ever give him. They gasped against each other as Remus’s body instinctively found the sensation of their cocks rubbing against each other too addictive to stop. He rocked their hips together, grinding his pelvis down so their erections were trapped between them in satisfying friction. 

Severus grasped onto his back, nails finding nothing but skin to hold onto. He tried to keep his wits about him to not dig in too deep, but the red lines were a sign of unaware desperation. 

Remus curled his arms around his back, hands searching down his spine until he could grab onto his arse in both hands and maneuver his hips up to meet Remus's. Severus undulated his hips in time and the precome began to turn into a sticky glide in some spots, and an overdrawn drag in others. 

Remus knew they needed some form of lubrication to continue in any facet and so he reluctantly put enough space between them to grab for his wand. 

Severus didn't seem keen on letting him go at first, but when he realized what Remus was doing he nodded and let go of him to pull his hair back from his face with his left hand. With his right he reached down and tapped Remus's thigh, to draw his attention once he incanted the spell for lubrication.

'Inside.' He signed, still struggling to regain his breath, but feeling a gnawing need to express his wants. He recalled their wedding night more times than he could count, wanting to know if the feeling was as satisfying as he remembered. The predatory look that flickered across Remus's face made Severus's stomach swoop with anticipation. 

'You want that?' Remus aborted asking if Severus was really alright with it, eyes darkening further with lust. He always wanted to double check, make sure he wasn't assuming things, but seeing Severus confirm it was as much a tease as a need to fan his own desires. He loved when Severus asked for things. 

'Please.'

He coated his fingers in the slick and glanced down at the v of Severus's hips. His cock was hard and leaking, and Remus couldn't help trailing one slick digit down the length of it to watch Severus squirm. He reached further back and dragged his fingers against that place he rutted into two nights before. Severus arched up his hips and opened himself up further, making it too hard to resist delaying the task much longer. 

Remus circled his hole a few times, spreading the lube around before he finally breached him and slid his finger in one slow glide until it was all the way inside. Severus clenched down on him helplessly, thighs trembling, before he relaxed little by little. Remus pumped his finger in and out of him carefully, watching him for any signs of discomfort. Severus nudged his side with his knee and then tilted his head back and closed his eyes. 

Remus didn't know if he meant it as an invitation to lean down and mouth along his exposed collarbone, but he took it as one anyways. He slid another finger inside along the first. Now able to press along the inner walls until Severus let out a broken moan and bucked his hips helplessly as Remus dragged his fingers along his prostate. 

He focused on stretching him and pressing on that spot intermittently until he was able to sink a third finger in with barely any resistance. He leaned back just to watch his fingers disappear inside, ignoring the jolt of pleasure in his pelvis while he watched it. His husband was panting now, hips moving without his control, seeking the full stretch and pleasure. 

A particularly hard jab against his prostate had Severus reaching down to grab Remus's thigh and squeeze it tightly. The werewolf knew he was at his limits, and that Severus was impatient, but he was still surprised he didn't just demand he move on or try to take control. He was still holding out for Remus, and the knowledge of that made him heat from the inside out with something equal parts affection and lust. 

He leaned down and kissed him as he pulled his fingers out, enjoying the barely there whimper against his lips before he leaned back and instructed him to turn over onto his knees. He helped him move and get situated, leaning over him pushing his hair to the side so he could press a kiss to the top of his nape. 

"Let me know if I am too rough." He warned him, and then summoned more lubrication and slicked himself up. 

The sensation of the cool lube on his neglected cock was enough to make him hiss. He then cleaned off his hand and touched Severus's hip to warn him. He held his cock in place and then guided it inside, the head eventually entering in one smooth stroke. Severus's shoulders tensed and he trailed his hand up his spine and waited with bated breath. 

Eventually Severus let out a heavy breath and leaned back into him, impaling himself further. Remus began to move into him in shallow strokes, stopping when he felt him tense up. When he was all the way inside he waited there, feeling nearly overwhelmed with the knowledge and the sensation.

"Does it hurt?" He asked breathlessly, waiting until Severus slowly shook his head and leaned back further into him. 

"Fuck." Remus groaned. "You feel so good. Come here." He leaned forward to wrap his hands up under Severus's shoulders and pull him back into a seated position against Remus’s thighs, both of them upright. 

The position pushed him impossibly deeper and now Remus could feel the trembling of the body pressed up against his chest. He sat back on his knees and let Severus get used to the sensation of being so full, trailing his hands up and down from his chest to his legs. Severus was clutching onto his thigh, head turned to the side and hair covering most of his face as he panted shakily. 

"Does it feel good?" Remus murmured into his ear. "Because you feel so amazing."

He felt Severus clench around him, breath hitching as he sagged back into him a little more.

"Can I move?" Remus asked, kissing behind his ear and along his jaw. 

Severus could do nothing but nod, still hiding his face away, but Remus wouldn't have it and turned his jaw gently. Severus looked completely debauched, eyes glazed over as he craned his neck back to lean into the kiss. His hand wrapped around Remus's nape to not only get stability, but also pull him closer. Remus ran his hands up and down Severus's thighs as they kissed, and then Severus decided he was tired of waiting. He broke the kiss and tilted his head back onto Remus's shoulder, lifting his hips up and pushing them back in a rocking motion. Both of them groaned as the action dragged Remus up along his inner walls, sliding right past his prostate. 

It didn't take long to find a good rhythm, and Remus wrapped a stabilizing arm around Severus's chest, thumb flicking back and forth over his nipple as they moved against each other. Remus felt like he was losing his mind between the space of overwhelmingly pleasurable and not quite enough. He knew exactly when to meet Severus's hips on their downward motion to get the best effect, and despite the burning need to come, he never could quite ramp it up enough to start fucking him with the intention of cresting over the edge. 

"You're so brilliant." He slurred against Severus's shoulder, nose buried in the crook of his neck as the words began to tumble out. "So good, fuck Severus, I can't… You're perfect just like this. I'm so lucky." 

Severus stilled against him, clenching down hard and body one taut line. Remus managed to put one braincell back into working order and looked at Severus. His eyes were squeezed shut and his chest was heaving, sweat dripping down his sternum and towards his navel. He kissed his shoulder and tried to rub his chest soothingly but the only thing he got in return was a punched out groan. 

"Severus?" He whispered, and then followed one drop of sweat down his chest, eyes drawn to where Severus was holding the base of his cock. "Are you close?" Remus reached down to touch his wrist, gentling his grip until he could slip his hand onto his length instead. "You can come, love." He did an experimental thrust up and Severus made a choking sound, slamming his hips back instinctively. Remus began to stroke him in time, and they began to move again. 

Severus leaned forward enough so he could plant his hands on the bed and then Remus felt the speed ratcheting until he was rutting into him without pause. He grabbed onto Severus's hips to steady himself as he thrust forward. He half expected Severus to touch himself again, but instead Severus stilled with a silent scream, hands twisted into the sheets as he came. Remus lost complete control of himself at the thought of his husband coming on his cock, and suddenly there was nothing but the sensation of skin and sweat and skyrocketing pleasure through his body as he chased his own orgasm. 

Severus felt his eyes water at the intensity of his release, barely able to catch his breath around the pleasure releasing from within him. He felt overwhelmed with the feeling, unable to do anything but ride it out until Remus was finished. It felt so good it hurt, his whole body spasming with each wave. The orgasm went on and on until his cock was dribbling with come. His spend dripping down his oversensitized flesh. 

Remus came inside him just when he was sure he wouldn't be able to handle any more. He felt his whole body collapse onto his forearms, shuddering as his body came down from the adrenaline and dopamine high. His mind was white noise, but there was a vague skittering across his nerves, a sense that he was both embarrassed but also satisfied right down into his core. He felt like he had been pushed past something, but instead of feeling vulnerable, he felt soothed. 

He was aware of things happening in non sequential order, consciousness dipping in and out. Remus was kissing along his shoulder, he felt empty and wet but then that changed to warm and achy. He didn't remember laying down on his side, but he did remember Remus sliding up behind him and wrapping an arm around his middle. He couldn't help but fall into a deeper slumber with Remus's comforting warmth around him, whispering nonsense into his ear. 

xXx

Pomona wringed her hands as she waited for Severus to answer the door, feeling like a right arse for what she'd done. She knew that he was an intensely private person, and still she had let her impulse get the better of her. Minerva had raked her over the coals after, reminding her that he had been through enough. 

" _ He had to kill a friend in cold blood!" _ Minerva reminded her beratingly. " _ So what if he needed a small spark of happiness amongst all that darkness?! _ " 

The headmistress was, of course, absolutely right. Perhaps she just felt like she had missed too much, realized too late, that there was so much of her coworker that she had never seen. Suddenly a lot of things about him were skewed in a different light and she felt sick to her stomach. How could she have been so blind to his suffering? How could she hate him so intensely only to find out he had suffered the worst of all? She wanted to start this year off differently. Try to be a better friend to the people who needed it. Instead she opened her big mouth and stuck her foot in it. 

She knocked again and considered that perhaps Severus was ignoring her, and rightfully so. Perhaps she better wait a day and then try and catch him at meal times. 

She was just about to retreat when the door opened and Remus, clearly fresh from the shower if his wet hair was anything to go by, gave her a cautious smile. 

Ah yes, and the other part to her terrible outburst. Instead of keeping their business private, and allowing the two of them to tell the others their news at their own pace, Minerva ended up explaining that as well. Although this time, Pomona felt a little better knowing that she didn’t fuck up as badly as Anise Castor, their new Muggle Studies Professor. Anise was rather alarmed when Remus ran out of the meeting after the former death eater. She fretted that Severus may do something 'in his anger ' to the poor werewolf, which caused Minerva to tear into her next.

" _ If anyone has a problem with Severus being here, I ask that you hand in your resignation now _ ." She finished with an icy glare sweeping around the room.

The poor girl had gone white as a sheet, but she didn't say anything further. 

"Ah, hello. I'm sorry, he's asleep. He didn’t get much rest last night so he is taking a nap." Remus informed her regrettably. 

"I am terribly sorry." Pomona insisted. "I can't believe my poor manners. Honestly I don't know what came over me. Please tell him I'd like to apologize. If he will allow me." She blurted. 

“I’ll let him know.” Remus assured her. 

“And please offer him my congratulations, and to you as well.” She continued. “Or, actually, I’ll tell him when I see him, I suppose. Just please pass on my apologies.” 

“I will.” Remus gave her an amused smirk. “I’m sure he’ll talk to you soon.”

“Right.” Pomona noted a dismissal when she saw one. “Well, have a good evening.”

Remus closed the door and then turned to where Severus was toweling off his hair, leaning against the wall where Pomona couldn’t see him. He was clearly able to hear everything she’d said, but yet made Remus answer the door. “Was that necessary?”

‘I’m tired.’ He signed sarcastically, and then looked a little more subdued. ‘I will talk to her tomorrow.’

Remus conceded and then glanced out their window at the warm glow of the afternoon sun. “Do you want to take a stroll? It looks like it will be nice weather for one.”

Severus glanced out the window and thought of all the things he’d normally rather do. None of them sounded appealing anymore, and he wondered why that was. He wasn’t one to idly stroll around the grounds, but perhaps a little change wouldn’t be the worst thing. They donned their lighter fall coats and enjoyed their last free day before the term outside. The conversation drifted from the repairs to the school, to small memories of their school days. An hour or so later it was finally deemed too warm to wear the outer layer, so they decided to sit in the quidditch stands and lay their coats beside them. 

Severus was slowly getting more confident at signing, and Remus was relieved that he had agreed to take the class with them. They bought several more books about the topic, one even written by a witch who found some simple signing spells that had worked for her over the years. Minerva had thought of everything, and Remus’s class as well as Severus’s office had a board that would write out what he wanted to say as if he were speaking it, so long as he was pointing his wand at it.

They spent about an hour trying to come up from different short signs for the people around them so they wouldn’t have to constantly spell it out. It began when Severus complained about Draco, and then paused thoughtfully and used the sign for ‘dragonfly’ instead. Remus beamed at the cleverness of it, knowing it played on his name and also the love of flying. Next they worked on Harry, arguing about including the scar or not. Remus agreed on the sign for ‘lightning’ with an H begrudgingly. This wasn’t the worst of the names by far. Severus came up with a lot of colourful signs for Sirius, which Remus immediately vetoed. 

It was peaceful, the first of many evenings when Minerva would find them together somewhere on Hogwarts grounds arguing good naturedly about something in handspeak. She could see the difference in both of them as clear as the warm early-fall day, like the years of turmoil melted away in the evening sun.

In her time as headmistress, she watched Severus become more patient; still sharp and devastatingly witty, but more willing to let things flow off of him instead. Remus, meanwhile, became more vocal and confident, instead of trying to keep the more peaceful middle ground. At one point she thought she’d have to replace her Defence teacher so he could go and help Hermione with creature law reform. Remus very quickly became the most popular professor to ever grace Hogwarts since Albus’s teaching days, and taught the class well past his sixties. 

They moved into the small home left to Severus the next summer, but their real home was where they spent most of their year. The safe haven to both spy and werewolf. Even after Severus retired officially from Hogwarts, he was still there in his own sequestered potion’s lab working on all manner of ground-breaking mixtures that would gift him several prestigious rewards. Some students were still terrified of him, but most of the students who showed an interest in Potions were eventually sent his way for one reason or another. Anyone who left Hogwarts after studying under him was sure to gain traction in the occupation of Potioneering. 

It wasn’t perfect, being soulmates didn't make their life easier, but maybe all they both needed was the chance. A reminder that a beast and a death eater could still find something pure amongst all that darkness. Perhaps that was the true power of soulmates; the hint to reconsider where one may have overlooked. 

All it took was a question and a favorable answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks goes out to:
> 
> Slytherin, who listens to me prattle on about Snupin 
> 
> But also:   
> Yucchi   
> Alma_Rohe  
> MouseInTheCastle  
> FireChildSlytherin5
> 
> And everyone else who has joined me on this journey. You guys seriously made my day with your reviews and dedication to this fic. 
> 
> NOTE: Narcissus will get written but it will definitely be put on the back burner for now. I think I'm going to go back to original works for a bit. Please understand and know that Narcissus will focus on Draco and Harry, but rest assured my Snupin days aren't over by a long shot. Holy Maker do I have a lot of plans for these two. I normally go to fanfic once i've hit a rut with my original writing, and so I think I'm refreshed to go back and try again. :-). To those who want to read original fiction from me, I'm looking to get more traction on Swoon Reads, so hit me up over there! (It's mostly PG fantasy romance stuff, fyi) Anyone who asks, anyways. I won't post it in the author note.


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